Pac Man Mild Cold

I don't know how my dad did it, but he somehow managed to snag an Atari 2600 with one of the first copies of Pac Man to hit the East Coast. The arcade game was already a huge hit, and the Atari 2600 version of the game was highly anticipated. This made my house the hub of activity for a week or so. To this day I don't know why.

The arcade version of the game is simplistic, which isn't bad. Tetris is even simplier, and that's a great game. I liked Pac Man, I just wasn't thrilled with it. When we got the Atari 2600 version I was aghast. Don't get me wrong, I played that thing like mad, but looking at it made me kind of ill.

Normally I don't mind color schemes like the game used, but when these colors came out on the television I swear they could induce some sort of seizure. I don't know why they looked the way they did. I don't know why I had such a negative reaction, but I did. I did, and it tainted most of my feelings on the entire franchise.

I suppose I should have been more impressed. The Atari 2600, while amazing for the time, was still a primitive machine. It was garish, the controls were touchy, but it starred Pac Man and at that time period there was no better character to be.

Madden 10 ... Blah, Blah, Blah

I don't play a ton of football video games. I prefer racing and soccer when it comes to sports games, but I do own a few of the 2K variety. I've played some of the Madden games, and have had fun playing them against people, but there is one thing that has always bothered me about them.

Madden.

I know Madden is an icon, but he's also kind of like the creepy uncle who gets drunk at Thanksgiving, makes bad jokes, and "accidentally" cops a feel off your fifteen-year-old sister. I will agree that he knows the sport, but I found his on-air commentary to be, well, annoying at best. His voice in the game is super-freakin' annoying.

Combine that with often times unrealistic gameplay and you have a football game that always not quite right. The series sells like beer on payday Friday, but never seemed as good as it could be.

I've read that Michael Vick (oh he of dog fighting fame) won't be in the roster until a future update. Having him in the Eagles at his skill level prior to his stint behind bars will mean that any player who keeps him on the Eagles will have one hell of a team. Frustration for fans of every other team to follow.

Strangely enough, however, Vick feels more like a character who should be in Grand Theft Auto. He's been reinstated in the NFL, however, which means players will be waiting breathlessly for until EA sees fit to add him to the game. In the meantime, however, players got McNabb ... and he hasn't killed any dogs that I know of ... yet.

Kicked In The Ass Again

Soul Caliber III is one of those great fighting games that appeals to those who don't like fighting games. It's also got a fantastic character creation system that lets you do just about any character you can think of. That's the part of the game that appeals to my five-year-old daughter. And then she played it.

Admittedly, when we started playing the game I gave her a 200% handicap. I didn't want her to be discouraged from playing right away. There was a problem, though. She got real good real quick, and she liked it a lot. She liked it so much she started blurting out lines from the game at random moments.

Today I took the handicap away.

In other fighting games she's done well ... without any handicaps. Not great, but well enough to make the game fun. When I took the handicap away the game got really interesting because she got better.

Better.

Perfect, actually.

She was winning fights without me even laying a hand on her. Perfect.

Granted, I won a few, but she never got a "Perfect" when playing with the handicap. And my wins, it should be noted, came from me doing a running slide to knock her out of the ring. "Why would you do that?" she asked. It was a good question. I didn't want to tell her it was because it's the only way I could win.

Eventually she grew tired of the game because beating me so much wasn't as "much fun."

Seriously? She's five, and this is ridiculous. I'm now forced to break out a NASCAR game and school her in the ways of competition.

God knows I can't do it any other way.

Every Kill Is Clean And Pure

It would seem like a game made for me. A game built on snuff film culture. Manhunt. I bought it new at full price. There was some buzz about it when its arrival neared. Too gory. Glorified violence. You know, the usual stuff politicos like to target when drawing attention away from illegal wars, pork barrel spending, and sex scandals.

I enjoyed the game well enough, though I found it a bit tedious. The storyline was okay, but the stealth, kill, run, kill got to be a bit too much of the same thing after some time (though the villains were pretty neat). I didn't buy the sequel, and that's because it sounded like they developers tried to quell the controversy that time around.

Let's face it, video games are a lot like comic books when it comes to the eyes of the uninformed. These wanna-be censors, the morality polygon police, think that video games are the domain of children. To think that adults play just doesn't computer. Hence the Manhunt controversy.

This is not a video game for little kids, and I doubt any little kid would want to play it. My daughter, who loves video games, has not even looked at it when she's digging through the stacks. Now, thirteen-year-olds might want to play it, and I don't think that is all that horrible. There's nothing in the game that is going to cause a sane teen to question their world as they know it. Most kids I've met know the difference between fact and fantasy, and this game would be no different.

I'll admit that killing people in this game is therapeutic. I brings a smile to my face not because I'm a psycho, but because I'm not. I get stressed and I don't do typical stress-relief actions like drinking, drugs, or shooting up an LA Fitness. I play video games, and if I can play one where I am the psycho that does mean, horrible things, then so be it. People don't apologize for reading murder mysteries, and I won't apologize for liking violent video games. They aren't the only thing I play (or even the majority), but I do play them, and I do like them.

For all you well-meaning folks concerned about the content of games: If you have kids, monitor what they play. If you don't have kids, stop trying to dictate what others can play. If the games make you uncomfortable, don't play them. It's that easy. Don't spend the money. Don't play the game. You can't cry about the imaginery children that may or may not be affected because that's the parent's job. As a parent, I can tell you I don't trust you to do my job. And thanks for screwing up the sequel.

I'd much rather you turn your concern to healthcare or the economy and leave the game playing up to the people who know what they are talking about -- the players themselves.

More Awards Won -- Lunar Lander

By some weird twist of fate, I was able to snag all four awards in the Lunar Lander game on PSP's Atari Classics Evolved. Up until this game, I had never played it.

Sure, I had seen the game back in the day but stayed away from it like it was Defender. Land a craft on the moon? How fun could that be? Nothing was shooting at you or coming at your ship on a chaotic tumble. Video games were not about landing. They were about shooting. Period. I still haven't played the classic mode of the game, but the evolved mode is actually kind of fun. What surprised me was that I was able to get all four awards in relatively short time (compared to my win rate on a game I am great at -- Centipede, which is confounding me every step of the way). I'm ever closer now to getting all 44 awards, but my patience is wearing thin, and I don't know how much more I have in me.

Atari Classics -- One Step Closer

I'm over the half way mark when it comes to the awards in the PSP Atari Classics Evolved. I finished all the Warlords ones (tough), and now have a total of 23 I believe.

Apparently there is a file floating around that has all the awards achieved on it, but I want to do this the old-fashioned way. I want to earn them. Cheat codes are for fuckers with mommy issues. (You know who you are.)

I'm taking my car in to be serviced soon. Two hours of uninterrupted time. I plan on achieving a few more.

Reactor

I first saw the ad for the Atari 2600 game Reactor in a comic book. I don't know why, but the copy for the game made it seem like something I'd want to play. The below commercial did almost the exact opposite.



I ended up getting the game with its unimpressive (by my standards) box. I ended up really liking it, especially the soundtrack (for some strange reason). The game made me a bit tense, as I really feared being "sucked into the vortex." It was, however, everything a good Atari game should be. It was fast and frantic and had me glued to the television for hours on end. Looking at the commerical now shows that it didn't do the game justice.

I don't remember all that much about the comic book ad (other than it may have been drawn by Jack Davis), but I do remember the concept of the game. Being stuck in a nuclear reactor seemed like a cool idea for a game. (And that's saying a lot for someone who lived near enough to Three Mile Island during its crisis that annihilation was a concern.) Sure, like all 2600 games the graphics could've represented anything, but that didn't matter. All that mattered was: Is this game fun?
Reactor was fun. I don't think it's on any anthology/museum game, but if it were, I'd be playing it today. Just don't ask me to watch that damn commercial again.

Humboldt County's Shop Local Campaign Fails Gamers

I've always had a soft spot for Samurai Shodown. I remember spending countless quarters playing it at various locations in Redding, California. Months ago I heard that Samurai Shodown Anthology was set to be released for the PS2 at a $14.99 price. How could I resist that?

Lately the push to buy local has been running full steam ahead here in Humboldt County. I've been a critic of the movement as I think it is less than truthful about its intentions. My attempt to get this game showcases part of the problem with this movement.

I put the game on my Amazon wishlist. If this game had come out a few years ago I could've gotten it at Crasty's, a local video game store that, after several location changes, went out of the bricks and mortar business. Unfortunate, yes. But I did have other options. Namely, Gamespot.

Anyone who has dealt with Gamestop knows what a headache the place can be. On the weekend of the game's release I called them and had this conversation.

Me: I'm looking for Samurai Shodown Anthology for the PS2. Is it in?

Manager at Gamestop: We haven't had that game in a long time.

Me: It just came out Tuesday.

Manager: Oh, right. We have it for the PSP I think.

Me: What about the PS2? Your store's e-mails indicate it is in.

Manager: We don't have it.

Me: When will you get it?

Manager: We won't. It's not ever coming in.

Me: Ever?

Manager: You can wait until it comes in used ...

Me: No.

So I checked the other stores, which were unfortunately parts of national chains. F.Y.E.. Target. Nothing. Eventually I got it on Amazon.

Shop local pushers would have you believe it's easy to keep all your money in the community. As this shows, however, that isn't nearly true. The local, independent video game store had long since gone under. The local big box retailers and national retail stores never got it in and nor did they try. Amazon, however, not only gave me with free shipping (I bought $25 worth of stuff), but it arrived earlier than Amazon had predicted.

What should I have done? Deprived myself of the game in order to keep 45% of my $14.99 here in Humboldt? Wait for the game to show up used? No. Instead I went with the first person who wanted to sell me the game at a good price. Was it local? Nope, but not due to lack of trying.

Asteroids: The Movie

Asteroids is slated to become a movie. That's right. Atari's simplistic arcade game is going to hit the silver screen. Hopefully there will actually be a script or something.

Is this a good thing?

No.

I can't even imagine video game junkies being excited by this one. Adding a story to the video game in order to make a movie makes it anything but Asteroids.

Enjoy the show.

Super Breakout: 3 Down 1 To Go

I've earned three awards and now all I have to do is beat the one that requires me to destroy all the yellow and green blocks. Of course, these two colors are gradients, and I'm color blind, but I think I'll manage.

Earning this last reward will clear Super Breakout. It will not even put me at halfway yet. I've earned zero rewards on Tempest.　That may be the next one I go for.

Every day puts me a step closer. I will do this. I think I may be the first one to do it, too. (At least I can hope.)

At War With Atari

I've been doing this thing where I try to get all the awards in Atari Classics Evolved. It's a thankless challenge, but I want to do it. I've got all but one in Super Breakout and a host of others. I decided to give the aforementioned game a break and focus on the awards in Centipede, my all time favorite game.

In no time I beat the three challenges and waited for my awards save screen to appear. Then ... nothing. No awards save screen. No awards rewarded. Then I realized I had been playing the game on the wrong difficulty level. To say I was pissed was an understatement. Clearing the screen of all mushrooms had been hard as hell, and now I had to do it again?

I almost threw the PSP across the room.

I remain undaunted, however. I will beat all 44 challenges, and I will open those Atari 2600 games. It is my will.

(And I will probably be disappointed.)

Boring Game Alert

What could possibly be the most boring game ever is due to hit stores far too soon. The Beatles: Rock Band. One of the most overrated bands is about to become one of the most overrated games.

I understand the contribution the Beatles have made to music. We've had countless untalented bands to remind us of that for years. I'm glad certain members of society have decided to take their rage out on some of the group's individuals instead of turning that anger on me (you hear me, Chapman)? So, if only because I have been stabbed or shot I'm grateful for the existence of the band.

But a video game? Did the Mommas and the Poppas refuse to license or something?

I get it that the band would be a huge selling point if sixty-year olds trying to relive drug-addled teen dreams were the main demographic, but it's not. It's people like you and me. Good luck with that! It's the Beatles! Yeah, I want to jam on plastic instruments to "Strawberry Fields Forever" or whatever the hell it is called.

Instead of marketing this as a sleeping aid, it's being pushed as a fun, interactive video game that may appeal to those who find Metallica "too wild." God, I can't wait to get the Thomas Dolby hits package with a free code for some Wings DLC.

Please, God, make this madness stop. Next thing you know we'll be getting licensed game versions of The Terminal or Clerks II just because there's potential money to be made.

Just Rewards

Atari Classics Evolved for the PSP received mixed reviews. I can see why, too. Your enjoyment of it will be directly linked to your enjoyment of the original games. In all, you get 11 Atari games in classic and evolved versions. Each game has four awards that you can win, and if you earn all the awards you open up over 50 classic Atari 2600 games. Therein lies the rub.

These awards are tough as hell to get.

There are no cheat codes that I can find.

Frustrating.

The fact that I'd have over 60 games on one UMD was enough to get me to fork over $20 for the game, and if I never unlock all the 2600 games I'll be okay. The awards system also makes me want to play the thing every day. While on vacation I actually unlocked several (and discovered a new love for Warlords), but there are some achievements I'll wonder if I can ever reach.

I've checked out various forums and reviews of this game. All have expressed anger that Atari hasn't made a cheat code available, or even did it that each award unlocked a game (a far better way to go), but in Atari's defense, this may have actually made the game better. It goes from a mere plaything to an obsession. It challenges you in the way the older games did, something that was lost when the NES came to light.

I now want to be the first person to unlock the games. I'll post the list here when I do ... if I do. If someone has already done this, I haven't found it out there.

I just hope E.T. isn't one of the unlockables.

Is This A Joke?

PS3 users who purchase Batman Arkham Asylum are in for a "treat." They will get to play as the Joker. Interesting.

I'm a Batman fan, and I do like the Joker, though I think few writers ever get him right. Alan Moore did a great job on him, as did Frank Miller. For the most part, though, writers misinterpret the character. It appears this video game is no different.

Joker is, first and foremost, a psychological character. He can't go toe-to-toe with Batman, who dominates him in strength. Joker's only advantage is his insanity. Granted, he has gadgets he has used and will use in the video game, but that's still no real match for Batman. All the best Batman stories dealt with Batman wading through the aftermath of Joker's crazed plans or trying to thwart them. When Batman does resort to fisticuffs with the villain (when done by a good writer) it often ends in the most typical of ways (Joker grabbing a hostage or pulling a gun).

I can understand why the developers wanted to do this. Joker is the Batman enemy. It does seem like a cool idea to play as him, and tossing PS3 owners an exclusive is always good. That said, it should've been a different villain. Killer Croc. Bane. Mr. Freeze. Phosphorous Man. None of those are the big names like Joker, but in a video game that will have plenty of fighting they make more sense.

I don't have a PS3, and this game doesn't make me want to buy one. I will admit it seems interesting, but I doubt that if I had it I would ever play as the Joker. Phosphorous Man, however, now that would be damn cool.

Tap Out

Midnight. Friday night. Can't sleep. For some reason I thought of Tapper. I never really liked that game, but I knew a girl who kicked ass. I used to run video game tournaments and whenever she would enter I would "randomly" pick that game. I figured the prize was an ice cream cone. I could skew the freaking contest.

I watched her just dominate that game. She would get to some alien bar, if I recall right, and kids would be impressed. Here was a girl playing an arcade game. That was as rare as a girl in a comic book store in those days (mid 1980s). I'd kick ass at Centipede, and she'd own Tapper. She disliked my game, and I hated hers. I tried it a couple times, too, but was never good at it. Her ... Zen.

I don't know if this ever came out on any systems, but I can't imagine it would be as fun. The arcade version had beer tap controllers, which really added to the game. Buttons just wouldn't be the same.

Anyway, this is sleepy video game talk. Tapper. Geez.

PSP Go And Gran Turismo

The PSP Go is making it's way around the web, and the talk of Gran Turismo actually coming to the system has once again arisen. For those who remember such things GT was supposed to be there at the launch of the very first PSP. It never showed.

GT games have always been late. The PSP game was non-existent. I don't expect it for the PSP ever, and I won't be buying the new PSP system. I was going to run a photo here, but it's just ugly and the control scheme looks painful at best. No UMD drive, so those without Internet access are screwed.

Sony lost a billion dollars by its own admission. This will help how?

N20 -- The One That Got Away

I played a demo of this PlayStation game once and loved it. It was a crazy-ass shooter that has some kind of cool music and trippy graphics. I only saw it for sale once, though. Used at $20 and I didn't have the cash on me.

I haven't seen the game for sale since, though I haven't been looking for it too much. I always forget about it when I'm scanning eBay. I've regretted not having this game, and I have no fears that it will be one of those I want so badly, get and am disappointed by. It was just ... fun. That's happened in the past. Manhunt, which I bought new, was one of those games. It wasn't horrible, but it was nowhere near as exciting as I thought it would be.

There are some games I love that I know aren't that good, but they hold some kind of magic-like spell over me. Postal. Xevious. Pinball Wizard. Rumble Roses.

I will get this game at some point. I will have it. I will play it. I will enjoy it. I will not sell it back to Gamestop or some shit like that. It, like this limited-edition Coop print, will be mine to be worshipped.

Or it will suck and I'll be bitterly disappointed and pissed at having wanted it for so long.

Make Cancer

I'm obsessed with the ball rolling fun that is the Katamari franchise. I've got the PSP game and both PS2 ones. I look around me and see things that would be fun to roll. I can't believe a game so simple (and so very Japanese) would be so damn therapeutic. Sure, rolling up tacks and candy is fun, but actually getting a schoolboy, a cow and a truck just lets the stress out.

My daughter and I had plans of making a katamari and rolling up stuff from around the neighborhood. She really wanted to get these kids from down the block stuck to it, too, which I thought was pretty cool. We play the games together, and she is just as obsessed as I am.

Some people like FPS to blow off steam (I'd like to that at work, perhaps). Some get into Tetris. Lately I've been thinking of "making" Cancer better. (If you played the first game, you get the reference. It's fairly jarring the first time you see that stage name.)

This obsession will end soon, I'm sure. In the meantime, though, I'm rolling things up and relieving stress. It beats fragging some bad AI morons on some outpost any day.

Raiders of the Lost Ark ... Atari Style

If this screen shot means causes your heart to skip a beat, you've beaten the Atari 2600 Raiders of the Lost Ark game. It was a game ahead of its time. The first game I ever remember utilizing two controllers in a single player game. It was also the first game I remember requiring you to actually think and solve real puzzles to get to the end. Remember when you figured out what time you had to be in certain areas and kept watching that watch? Remember the flies? The mesas? The snakes? The whip?

Granted, by today's standards the game is primitive. Anyone growing up on PlayStation would find it embarrassing, but at the time it was one hell of a game. I spent an entire summer playing that thing, and I don't regret one second of it. It was the game all my friends talked about. I wouldn't say it was the Halo of its time because video games were not at that stage yet. They were still fairly fringe items. It was, however, important to all those who played games.

I haven't played a single Indiana Jones game on a console since playing that one. They just haven't interested me. I think that in time I will probably pick up another one if I can get it cheap, but I doubt it will give me the same thrill. I'm older, harder to impress, and I've seen what can be done with games. But I'll be damned if I don't have some great memories of those days...

Pen Capping Blues

WTF for PSP is one of those odd little games that you get addicted to fairly easily. If you have played it, you know what I mean. If you haven't ... read another post. This won't make a lick of sense to you.

So you've played WTF. You bought a toy soldier or a Queen Mantis toy. What I really want to know is: How many pens have you capped in one sitting?

My record is 562. 562 pens capped and sent on their way. The lady who gave me the game, an act I thought was nice at first and have now become convinced was done to destroy my free time, did well over a thousand. How many have you done? Have you filled the entire bottom of the screen with numbers, and if so, how long did that take? (I can only imagine.)

For those eager to know what this mini game is ... well ... okay. Pens come up on the screen. You put a cap on them. You send them on their way. Some pens are upside down. You turn them around, cap them, and send them away.

Of course there are other games in WTF, but this is one I am fascinated with for some odd reason. Cap. Send. Rotate. Cap. Send. Collect a small paycheck. Buy a toy.

Geez, the things I'm amused by ...

Apple Bites Back

I received a text message on my phone that Apple is looking to take over EA. While I like Apple and I like EA, I can only see this as a bad thing.

First, while I don't think it would take away games from Xbox (a dumb move if ever there were one), I think that would be a real fear for some people. Apple has never been the friendliest to its competition.

Then there is Apple itself. I used to be a huge Apple fan. My enthusiasm has waned over the years, however, as the company as grown even more exclusive (and it was pretty close to a private club to begin with). Yeah, it lets people make apps for the iPhone, but even that hasn't been without controversy.

Overall, however, one has to look at what this move would mean to EA. When it comes to that, I'm not sure. Apple has been doing good financially, but it hasn't always been that way. In fact, if memory serves correctly it's almost gone under in the past. And then there is the question of how well the company really understands video games and how hands off it would be (not very likely). What is the company's intention? What are its plans?

Video games, for as popular as they are, are still largely misunderstood by the mainstream. Apple, while familiar with the role of the outsider, is now mainstream (sorry purists). Microsoft got it right. Will Apple? Hard to say, but I look at Apple more like Toshiba getting into the game. It would ... interesting.

In my grandest inner-scheming I see Apple wanting to get a handhold in the business so that when it develops its home device (something that streams tv, movies, phone, Internet, video games, and keeps track of groceries), it will know more of what it is getting into. That's just speculation, however. I don't know what the idea behind it really is. I'm sure only Steve Jobs knows. (Insert evil laughter here.)

By the time this hits the web, the whole process could be over. I haven't heard, and nor have I sought out info on it. I think there is a slim chance it will happen, but I do think Apple is seriously looking to take over some video game company because it is easier than starting its own.

The next expo should be pretty damn interesting.

Crack Smokers

I finished Stage 5 of the addictive Space Invaders Extreme, thus unlocking the Extreme mode of the invading space marauders.
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Were the developers on crack? They must have been. The laser fire that flies around is akin to Contra, only much more chaotic, if you can imagine that. Oh, and I haven't found any Up, Down, Up Down type of nonsense to help out. Not that I would use cheat codes anyway, as I don't often do that, but every once in a while it is nice.

I played the Extreme levels for a bit before I put it aside to go for N+, my next quest. This game seems to have the same drug-addled developers as it is just as insane. It makes me long for my FIFA games, actually. Run, jump, avoid mines. Ninja blows into a thousand pieces. Who the hell ever thought ninjas wanted gold anyway? Ridiculous.

I'll let you know my thoughts on this one after I play it more. One thing is for certain, however. It has a tough act to follow.

Taito Time

Anyone who reads my other blog (Cancerous Zeitgeist) knows my obsession with Space Invaders Extreme. I play it on the PSP. I am addicted. There are no twelve step programs for this game, though. You just have to play.

I am stuck on Stage 5. It's ridiculous. I feel like a moron, and I'm pretty sure there is some strange glitch with the game so that I can't advance. (It's the old "this controller doesn't work" argument.) I've been told I have to play to at least Stage 10, and believe me, I want to hear that sexy female voice tell me I've arrived. I just don't see it happening anytime soon.

I'm giving it until the end of this month. If I can't beat Stage 5, I'm moving on. I will revisit the game at some other time. Yes, I'm addicted. Yes, it will be hard to put the game away, but I'm not masochist. I know when I'm beat for a time. I need to regroup.

The funny thing is, I used to hate, fucking hate, Space Invaders. It drove me nuts in the arcade, and when we bought the Atari 2600 game in Canada with like 40 variants on the main theme, I played the hell out of it hating it the entire time. Centipede was my thing. Now, however, I play the hell out of Space Invaders Extreme and love every minute of the frustration. The level designs are brilliant. There is some incredibly serious thought that went into this game. And I can't put it down.

The end of April. Then it's onto N+.

Dance, Fatboy, Dance

Okay, I could lose some weight. Problem is, I hate the overwrought homosexual vibe of gyms, I don't enjoy sweating, and I'm a big fan of soda and pizza. Yes, I walk a lot and ride my bike (even skateboard when the mood strikes), but that isn't enough.

Enter Dance Dance Revolution Supernova 2.

Yeah, I can hear the snickering, but it actually works. The game has a workout mode that tracks your weight, calories burned and distance you would have jogged had you not been in your living room screwing around on a dance pad. That alone made it worthwhile to me. The fact that I've been losing weight (coupled with changing my diet and so on), has kept me playing it.

What's the only problem? The music.

I'm a fan of punk, metal, industrial, blues and so on. A-Ha and some wacky Japanese pop stars (not to mention Bobby Brown) doesn't really motivate me the way the game makers probably intended. I know there's a game out there that utilizes your own CDs to make workout routines, but I haven't bought that yet. So, I have this grudge against the music.

The music is probably the worse thing about this game ... if nobody is around. If you are with a crowd, though, the worst thing is actually playing it. Simply put, you'll look foolish. And if there's a ten-year-old girl in the crowd who has played the game twice, well, she will hand you your ass on a plate. It's embarrassing. When my daughter watches me play, she coaches. "Way to go, Dad. You almost got it. It's getting faster. You're screwing up." I'm playing it on beginner and she is four.

Like masturbation, alcoholism and cross-dressing, playing DDR Supernova 2 is something best done alone. It will save you from looking like you are about to have a heart attack in front of your peers, and will also save you from comments like, "Wow, you aren't really that co-ordinated for guy pushing forty."

Enjoy, but consider yourself warned.