Cleaving Skulls in Two

Back in the day I played Dungeons and Dragons.  Yep, I admit it.  Played it a lot.  Eventually I stopped.  This was before the new rules came out.  Back when it used about 800 different die.  Then, one day while shopping for PSP games, I came across Dungeons and Dragons Tactics.  I bought it.

I was hesitant to buy it, as I thought it was a bit expensive, and then when I saw the manual was quite a few pages, I really wondered what the hell I had gotten into.  After playing it a few times I put it away for about a year.  Just recently I've picked it up again, however, and I have to say that I'm taking the game much more seriously and having a really good time with it.

Usually I enjoy making up my own characters.  This time was no exception, though I made Conan.  I just thought it would be fun to do.  A barbarian based off Robert E. Howard's mastermind creation.  What could go wrong?  Absolutely nothing.  I'm enjoying the hell out of this critically panned game this time around.

Granted, the game has issues.  The camera is annoying, there are a lot of steps one must take to do simple things.  That's okay, though.  This is not meant for people whose attention spans are non-existent.  It's more zen-like, and while you may be carving zombies limb from limb, it is actually quite peaceful.

I'm not sure why the game is called Dungeons and Dragons Tactics as it could have been called just about anything else with a Dungeons and Dragons name and made more sense.  This is not some real-time strategy game, though there is that.  It is a role-playing video game through and through and those looking for something different probably felt a bit ripped off.  It does, however, remind me quite a bit of the old D&D games ... minus pizza and a lot of cursing.
Mandatory FTC Disclaimer: I paid for this game, and if you click on a link, I may earn a commission.

Extreme -- A Term I Use Loosely -- Pinball: Urban Chaos

Back in 1995 a game called Extreme Pinball came out for the PlayStation.  How pinball, which I happen to enjoy, can be extreme is anyone's guess, but here was a game based on the concept.  In 2010 the game became available on the PlayStation Network, where I got it for my PSP.  I've played a little bit on all the tables, but the Urban Chaos table, pictured here, is the one I spent the most time on.  Why?  No idea.

The load screen for the table promises lots of urban chaos.  Semis going off broken bridges into strip clubs, helicopters, fire trucks.  You know, a typical night in the big urban center.  At some point you can read about the story behind the table.  Yes, it has a story.  Why any table would need a story is beyond me, but this one tries its best to instill fear.  I can't go into too much detail, as I forgot it as soon as I read it, but I think cities are named after television networks, and there are people rioting.  It's kind of like a Dead Kennedys song, only not as good.

Nobody who plays video pinball plays for the story, however.  If they did, they would be a special kind of weirdo who not only doesn't get laid, but finds masturbating "distasteful," and instead settles for discreet "readjustments."  The rest of you play it for the virtual pinball experience, which this table kind of delivers.

The table makes it look like there is more going on then there really is.  Instead of chaos, it's more like a stroll through the city.  Four flippers, of course.  Many ramps.  Not a lot to see and do, however.  It is within the first ball, though, that you realize why it is "extreme."

You can score a lot of points quickly.  A lot.  Where some games give you a thousand points for some action, this one does ten thousand.  Looking at it with your right eye gives you a cool million.  Hit the ball with a flipper?  Five million.  I exaggerate, but you get the idea.  The extreme is in the scoring.  Oh, and a visual of a car blowing up when the game ends.

This is far from the most horrible game I've ever played, and I will admit to enjoying it despite what seems like every effort made to make sure someone couldn't enjoy it.  There are better pinball games out there (including every single real table ever made), but it makes for a nice diversion while waiting for laundry to get done.

Mandatory FTC Disclaimer:  I did not get this game for free, and if you click on a link, I may earn some cash.

Beats

I use my PSP for some music storage.  I used to listen to it a lot at work (where Nashville Pussy helped me get through the day without putting scissors in someone's stomach).  It was fine for listening to music, having a decent shuffle mode and some great visuals that went in time to the music.  Being able to export the songs to the soundtrack to my FIFA games was just icing on the cake.  And then I found out about Beats...

Beats is a rhythm based game, something familiar to anyone who has played any of the DDR or Guitar Hero games.  You simply push buttons in time with the music.  Beats comes pre-loaded with your standard sub-par songs, but it also reads whatever you have stored in your memory.  Thus, you can either play the game to some techno shit from twenty-year-old coke fiend, or you can play it to GG Allin's "I Kill Everything I Fuck."  With a series of different difficulty modes things can get pretty intense (trying playing it on "hard" to anything by Cannibal Corpse).

What I actually found this game to be best for is relaxing.  Even if the song is fast and the game play drives you nuts, it's still nice to sit there listening to music you like playing a game to it.  The rhythms kind of lull you into a peaceful state (another thing that keeps me from putting scissors into someone's stomach).

As of now, and probably forever, the game is only available for download through the PlayStation Network and from Amazon for about $5.00.  (I should have the link here if you are interested.)  At that price it is a steal.  Honestly, it's worth it at even twice the price (which is what I believe I originally paid for it).

Yet Another Addiction

Lumines.  Yes, another addiction on the PSP.  I have always wanted this game, but finally found it at an acceptable price.

Jesus.  This is more addictive than Tetris.  At first it seems easier, too, and it is, but once things get out of control they get out of control fast. 

Now I want to pick this up for the PS2, as well, and it makes me wonder if the Wii has a variation on it.

As most people already know, this is a puzzle game where you have to make a square of the same four colors.  Music, which is not my style, plays in the background and interacts with the puzzle (you have to play to understand).  You can seriously sit and play this for like a half an hour before it starts to go crazy, but by that point you are so hooked you can't help but continue.  In the past three weeks since I've bought this I've played it about a hundred times.  I'm convinced it will keep me from getting Alzheimer's or something.  I am also getting all the sequels ASAP.

I had been cutting back on video games for a while, instead using the time to work on my manuscript.  After trying this out, though, it became a great way to clear my mind between writing sessions.  It is not ideal before bed, as is often the case with any video game.

And now, time for yet another session ... until a new one comes along.

The Minis Have Arrived?

Considered a miss, the PSP Go may not have set sales on fire, but it did show the world that Sony is giving serious consideration to the path cell phones are on.  Minis, the games you can download on the PlayStation Network, are Sony's answer to iPhone (and the like) apps.  This plan seems to be working.

The PSP,  which is what I play Minis on, is obviously a handheld system.  When dealing with a handheld system, I tend to think the games should be shorter in length as opposed to the epic games you play on the PS3.  I don't mind the longer games, but sometimes you just want to dive into something that's going to last about 15 minutes.  That's where the Minis come in (though they haven't taken off like gangbusters just yet).  There are all kinds of titles to fit just about every taste, and they are meant to be played in short bursts.  They appeal to the app mindset, as well, but I don't think they'll cause anyone who plays games on their phone to consider a PSP simply for the Minis.

If you want a PSP, you either already have one or are saving up for one.  I can't see some iPhone user who has downloaded a Tetris-clone thinking, "This is great!  I bet the Minis on the PSP are even better.  I've got to get one."  It's just not going to happen.

For PSP users, however, these games are like a godsend, and if they sell well I can only see them getting better.  They are affordable, enjoyable, and don't eat up a lot of your time.  As they become greater in number, though, there will be more crap to wade through, so the reviews and word-of-mouth will become even more important.  (Big fan of Tetris here.  Nobody likes blowing $60 on a bad game, but at least you can always say you got a few hours of play out of it.  $5.00 for a crappy game that is short in length almost seems worse.

Sony, which has had a series of missteps that seemed to start with the pricing of the PS3 and most recently occurred with the aforementioned PSP Go, has it right this time. 

Little Big Planet PSP Style

You can read my review of Little Big Planet for the PSP here:
Little Big Planet's PSP Adventure

Rocket Launchers and Thirteen-Year-Olds

I have been playing Star Wars Battlefront: Renegade Squadron a lot online these days. I am not great. Not even close to it, and any little kid with a sniper rifle or rocket launcher takes me out pretty easily, but boy is it fun.

There is no voice support, but that's okay, too. I don't need it when I'm on a speeder bike protecting Darth Vader from oncoming rebel hordes. And there is something uniquely satisfying using that same speeder bike to mow down a bunch of Wookies, which I normally love.

This was the first PSP game I got. I bought that bundle pack with the white PSP (or whatever strange color it was called -- maybe ceramic). I was hooked from day one. I enjoyed the other Battlefront games,so that was really no surprise. I never played those online, though.

So, if you happen to be playing, look for me. I'm godkiller13666. Some of you may have killed me before. Some of you may have been taken down by me. I think the former is probably more true, though.

A Sweet Pass

Man, Gran Turismo for the PSP just gets better and better. I'm currently driving the Kompressor ('98, for those who care). Took it on Laguna Seca and made some beautiful passes.

Racing simulators are best when played as you would really drive. If you play them like an arcade racer you are going to be disappointed. If, however, you drive the car like you would in real life, you get such a sense of accomplishment when winning race. It's a state of euphoria that I can't say I've ever experienced in a video game.

A lot of players of this franchise are notorious for using other cars as guide rails when going through the corners. They also try to knock them out of the way. If those same players would play the game as if it were their own car they were driving they would quickly see how incredible it is.

Face it, few things in video games can match a 80 mph pass in a tight corner on the inside while you're in a Skyline up against any Mazda you can dream of. It's just mind blowing.

I never want this game to end ... and it never will. Serious GT players know exactly what I mean. You see it in your dreams. You think about where you could shave .002 off your time. You see a glimpse of a track on television and you immediately know where it is because you've been around that same turn 800 times.

Sublime.

When There's No Room Left on the PSN ...

I am not a huge fan of cartoony games, but the premise behind Zombie Tycoon grabbed my interest. You command up to three squads of zombies that you can equip and set loose on a town having them attack buildings and unlucky people. It's a download game only (a minus), and is $7.99 (a plus). I figured I'd take the chance. I'm glad I did. I now have three hordes of zombies that I've been having attack schools and hot dog cart vendors. My blue squad is equipped with hospital gowns and bicycle wheels (for a shield). My red squad is armed only with pencils. My green squad, however, is my baby. I've got them equipped with fish, bunny slippers and sombreros. Brilliant.

The game seems to be a guilty pleasure type thing. It doesn't appear to be too deep or complicated (I'm only on the second city, though), and it's not as open ended yet as I would like. That said, however, there is something really cool about commanding zombies. Fuck soldiers. Fuck orcs. Zombies are where it's at. Seeing my zombies pummel a crook with fish was worth the price alone.

I like the idea of the PSN Minis. It gives players the perfect forum for getting relatively cheap games that are perfect for on the go. Playing this ensures I'll be back for more as they add them.

Wii've Come to Play With You

My daughter played the Wii at a friend's house and has expressed a desire to have one. (Honestly, she's expressed a desire to have "every toy made for kids," so I don't know how much she really wants one.) I've had no interest in the system, but there are plenty of people who have told me it is really fun, and I'm starting to think it might be a good investment.

I haven't bought a PS3 for several reasons. Money, lack of exciting games, and lack of backwards compatibility being the main ones. At this point, I see buying a Wii before the PS3, though Gran Turismo is enticing.

If anyone reading this (all two of you) has a Wii and wants to throw in your opinions, feel free. I'd love to get more input before I make a final decision (I'm also considering a PSP for her).

More Reasons for the Gran Turismo PSP Addiction

I don't listen to the music in the PSP Gran Tursimo game. If I listen to anything, it's my music, which includes King Kahn and his Shrines. I love this band, and have ever since I heard its Voodoo Rhythm release. Oddly enough, while strolling through the game credits I read that the mighty King has a song on the soundtrack! Reason number 437 to love this game.

A not-so-great thing, but kinda cool -- Jay Leno does the voice work for the game. Granted, this is minimal, but now that I know it's him I can't help but picture him every time I hear, "Finish!"

God, this game is incredible for a hand held.

This is Why I Love Gran Turismo

Gran Turismo for the PSP has not left my system since I got it. This is why.

I am not a fan of Jaguars. In the game, however, I obtained a 1961 E-Type Jaguar coupe. If you race it on the game's default settings you will find a standard car that handles with understeer, but is thoroughly drivable. I like to set the cars up closer to the original versions, however, for added realism.

I set up mine with a manual transmission, TCS off and ASM off. At this point, the Jaguar becomes a monster to control. Tires squeal to the breaking point, it takes forever to get to a decent speed (which was the case before, too, but now I can control that more), and it handles somewhere between driving through molasses and driving on ice. And I love it.

In Gran Turismo, cars handle fairly close to their counterparts in real life. They don't take damage (always a sticking point), but who cares. Drive it like a real car and that won't bother you. When you set up a car like its real life version, it makes the game more exciting. Setting up the Jaguar made the game incredible. What made it even better is when I started winning races against Toyotas and Mazdas. That was a feeling of exhilaration you just don't get in many games.

A car I once added is soon to be added to my favorites. You gotta love a game that can do that to you.

Like a Dream Not Quite Come True: Gran Turismo PSP

If you are a fan of the Gran Turismo series, and you own a PSP, this is the game you have been waiting for. It was announced as coming when the system was first released. In typical Gran Turismo fashion, it was a bit late ... by a few years.

The game itself looks beautiful, plays great for a handheld and contains 800 cars. Sweet motherfucking Jesus. All your favorite tracks are there, too. So what is the complaint? (No, not lack of damage -- that has been the standard complaint of the series since day one). It's the fact that much of the challenge is gone.

In the previous games in the series, you had to finish the license challenges and you had to finish certain races. If you did these things you got cars. Now you can simmply just buy cars with credits earned by doing driving challenges and winning races (including the new drift events). It has taken away a lot of what made the first four games so damn fulfilling.

Make no mistake, this is still a great game. It's actually an incredible game. I can't believe it's on a handheld. The franchise has always been porn for car fans, and this is no different. It just is lacking that extra special bit that made the originals classics.

This game will stand the test of time. It has tons of replay value, and it is a no-brainer for fans of racing games. Die hard fans of the series, however, will already be planning what they want to see in the sequel, which is sure to come out ... six years or so down the road.

Just Rewards

Atari Classics Evolved for the PSP received mixed reviews. I can see why, too. Your enjoyment of it will be directly linked to your enjoyment of the original games. In all, you get 11 Atari games in classic and evolved versions. Each game has four awards that you can win, and if you earn all the awards you open up over 50 classic Atari 2600 games. Therein lies the rub.

These awards are tough as hell to get.

There are no cheat codes that I can find.

Frustrating.

The fact that I'd have over 60 games on one UMD was enough to get me to fork over $20 for the game, and if I never unlock all the 2600 games I'll be okay. The awards system also makes me want to play the thing every day. While on vacation I actually unlocked several (and discovered a new love for Warlords), but there are some achievements I'll wonder if I can ever reach.

I've checked out various forums and reviews of this game. All have expressed anger that Atari hasn't made a cheat code available, or even did it that each award unlocked a game (a far better way to go), but in Atari's defense, this may have actually made the game better. It goes from a mere plaything to an obsession. It challenges you in the way the older games did, something that was lost when the NES came to light.

I now want to be the first person to unlock the games. I'll post the list here when I do ... if I do. If someone has already done this, I haven't found it out there.

I just hope E.T. isn't one of the unlockables.

PSP Go And Gran Turismo

The PSP Go is making it's way around the web, and the talk of Gran Turismo actually coming to the system has once again arisen. For those who remember such things GT was supposed to be there at the launch of the very first PSP. It never showed.

GT games have always been late. The PSP game was non-existent. I don't expect it for the PSP ever, and I won't be buying the new PSP system. I was going to run a photo here, but it's just ugly and the control scheme looks painful at best. No UMD drive, so those without Internet access are screwed.

Sony lost a billion dollars by its own admission. This will help how?

Pen Capping Blues

WTF for PSP is one of those odd little games that you get addicted to fairly easily. If you have played it, you know what I mean. If you haven't ... read another post. This won't make a lick of sense to you.

So you've played WTF. You bought a toy soldier or a Queen Mantis toy. What I really want to know is: How many pens have you capped in one sitting?

My record is 562. 562 pens capped and sent on their way. The lady who gave me the game, an act I thought was nice at first and have now become convinced was done to destroy my free time, did well over a thousand. How many have you done? Have you filled the entire bottom of the screen with numbers, and if so, how long did that take? (I can only imagine.)

For those eager to know what this mini game is ... well ... okay. Pens come up on the screen. You put a cap on them. You send them on their way. Some pens are upside down. You turn them around, cap them, and send them away.

Of course there are other games in WTF, but this is one I am fascinated with for some odd reason. Cap. Send. Rotate. Cap. Send. Collect a small paycheck. Buy a toy.

Geez, the things I'm amused by ...

Taito Time

Anyone who reads my other blog (Cancerous Zeitgeist) knows my obsession with Space Invaders Extreme. I play it on the PSP. I am addicted. There are no twelve step programs for this game, though. You just have to play.

I am stuck on Stage 5. It's ridiculous. I feel like a moron, and I'm pretty sure there is some strange glitch with the game so that I can't advance. (It's the old "this controller doesn't work" argument.) I've been told I have to play to at least Stage 10, and believe me, I want to hear that sexy female voice tell me I've arrived. I just don't see it happening anytime soon.

I'm giving it until the end of this month. If I can't beat Stage 5, I'm moving on. I will revisit the game at some other time. Yes, I'm addicted. Yes, it will be hard to put the game away, but I'm not masochist. I know when I'm beat for a time. I need to regroup.

The funny thing is, I used to hate, fucking hate, Space Invaders. It drove me nuts in the arcade, and when we bought the Atari 2600 game in Canada with like 40 variants on the main theme, I played the hell out of it hating it the entire time. Centipede was my thing. Now, however, I play the hell out of Space Invaders Extreme and love every minute of the frustration. The level designs are brilliant. There is some incredibly serious thought that went into this game. And I can't put it down.

The end of April. Then it's onto N+.