My 100 Most Favorite Video Games of All Time #96: Atari Classics Evolved

If you saw the title of this and your immediate reaction was to groan, you’ve played the game.  You didn’t groan because it sucked, though.  You groaned because it’s hard.  Very hard.  What makes it so difficult?  Atari Classics Evolved teases.  That’s right.  Teases.  Like the girl who wants to do everything but that.  You start out with a few old Atari games (like Centipede, Pong and Missile Command) in both their original state and a new “evolved” state (3D, better graphics, etc.), but if you want to get the fifty-plus Atari 2600 games available for play and dangled in front of your pleading eyes, well, you gotta work for it.

The “work” in this case is unlocking a few achievements in every one of the core games.  There are 11 core games, each with four awards.  If you are too lazy to do the math, that’s 44 awards.  Easy, right?  Hell no!  Yeah, some are obtained with relative ease, but there are others that will have you pulling out your hair trying to obtain them.  At some point you have a brainstorm, and then everything changes.

For me, this brainstorm was about a week into playing the game.  I was trying to unlock something in Super Breakout when it occurred to me: Why am I so hell-bent on unlocking old Atari games to play on a PSP?  What the hell was I thinking?  Would Adventure or Combat really be worth it?  Of course not, but I kept playing anyway, and that’s the beauty of this game.  These are simple, quick games with plenty of replay value, but the idea of getting more games that are actually worse is somehow enough to keep you playing.  It’s the equivalent to getting gold on all the license tests in Gran Turismo in order to win a Chevette to run in the races.

If you look at some of the poorly written reviews on Amazon for the game, you’ll find a lot of people pissed that they have to work to unlock the games (or can’t find cheat codes readily available).  These people obviously don’t get it.  It’s called a “challenge,” and challenges are supposed to be “hard.”  I know these are words lacking from far too many people’s vocabulary, but there we have it.  This game is a challenge, period.  If you don’t think the reward is worth it, don’t play it … or don’t play it for the reward. 

As for me, I have yet to unlock the damn games, but I’m still trying…

Mandatory FTC Disclaimer:  I did not receive this game to review.  Clicking on a link may earn me a commission.

Don't Stop Believin' -- The Journey Video Game

1982.  Journey was everywhere.  You heard it at the mall.  It was on every radio station.  It was the music Rush fans used to get laid.  (That's an inside joke.  My friend once told me that all the girls he wanted to bed hated Rush, but he'd put on Journey and the next thing he knew he'd be looking at the top of their head and wishing camera phones had been invented.)  The only thing hotter than Journey was the Atari 2600.  Imagine when the two of them met.

Journey Escape was the outcome, someone's brilliant idea on the way to cash in on the sweet strains of Joe Perry.  Data Age, the developer and publisher, promised players they'd be guiding Journey past "love-crazed groupies, sneaky photographers, and shifty-eyed promoters" to the safety of the "Journey Escape Vehicle" so that the band could make it to the next concert.  Apparently Data Age missed the idea that bands love "love crazed groupies."  That's the best part of being in a band.  You don't dodge their three-pixel tall bodies, you dive right in.  Regardless, Data Age thought this would be a really cool game for twelve-year-olds to play.



I don't remember how well this game sold, and I never played it.  Avoiding hearts on legs (representing the groupies) never seemed like a fun idea to me, and I was not a huge Journey fan.  (I had the Heavy Metal soundtrack, and that was the extent of my Journey ownership.)  I imagine, however, that there were people who really, really liked this.  If you were a Journey fan who owned an Atari 2600, it was probably a must-buy.    It did well enough that an arcade game based on Journey came out soon after.

The '80s, a time when anything was possible ... and probable.  Journey Escape proves it.  If any of you have played the game, I'd love to hear about it.  Me?  I'm not going to go seek it out for research purposes.  Even I have my limits.


Mandatory FTC Disclaimer:  If you click a link, I may earn a commission.  Wheels go 'round and 'round ...

Pixelated Rawhide

First, you may have noticed the new masthead.  It is courtesy of Felix Vasquez, Jr., who does the Cinema Crazed site.  I thank him.  Gotta love Missile Command.  Speaking of other Atari 2600 classics ... Stampede.  1981.  Activision.  Oh yeah, it didn't get better than Activision in those days.

Stampede was an underrated game in its day.  In 1981 nobody wanted to play a game where you were a cowboy.  That was "old."  You had to be fighting aliens or something at least current, like communists.  Now, however, you can see the genius behind the game.

The premise is simple: lasso various cattle (the different colors were different points).  Your horse moved and so did the cattle.  You would direct your horse and rider up or down and try your best not to bypass any cows.  When you first start out you can bypass three cows before the game is over.  There are obstacles set in your way, too, like skulls and cows that don't move.  These things serve to slow you up.

As with all the most addictive games, simple is better.  The cows move at various speeds, but there is a pattern to it, so if you memorize the pattern, you can rack up some impressive points (and get those patches Activision gave out). 

I've been playing the game on my PSP with Activision Hits Remixed (and have been very tempted to turn off that '80s soundtrack).  As far as I can tell, it holds up well to the original, though I never owned the game and only played it at a friend's house. 

If this game were to be remade today it would be needlessly complicated.  I believe it could be easily translated to an iPhone, however, if it hasn't been so already.  Its very nature makes it a great game for passing time while waiting for the cable guy to show up or something.

Robot Tank, Mofos!

I have been playing Robot Tank like mad on my PSP.  Originally released on the Atari 2600, this Activision game actually kind of kicks ass.

Activision was my favorite video game company back in the day.  I don't remember if I had this game back in the 1980s, but I'm glad I have it now courtesy of Activision Hits Remixed.  As far as those old video games go, this one is kind of advanced.

First, you have to ignore that your journey to Santa Clara, California takes you through rain, fog and snow all in the course of a few days.  It just isn't likely, but it does show that Activision was dedicated to throwing in different environments in which to destroy tanks.  Fog cut visibility.  Rain and snow affected your movement.

Another interesting and rare feature was damage.  In early video games, a hit destroyed you.  That can happen here, too, but an indirect hit can affect your visuals (screen goes black at random), your cannon (it only works sometimes), radar (essential in the dark and in fog and if your visuals go out), or treads (which lets you move only at a snail's pace).  It leads to some fairly intense action ... for an old video game.

I could see this game being remade today with updated graphics and the like, but quite honestly, this one still presents a challenge as you traverse the elements and go from day to night.  For an Atari 2600 game it is fairly advanced.  By today's standards it is something to do while waiting in line somewhere.  That said, I'm having a hard time putting down, as I'm trying to reach the goal of 60 tanks destroyed.  I've made it to 58.  I will hit 60 and probably unlock a patch or something (Activision used to award them as prizes).  Then I'll move onto the other games in the package and probably go through some nostalgia.  I doubt many will hold up as well as this one, though.

Jack Black Loves Pitfall Harry

If you had an Atari 2600, you had Pitfall.  It sold something like 4 million copies and was one of the best selling games on the system.  A young Jack Black did one of the commercials for the game.



I'm not a huge Black fan.  I mean, he's not the worst actor around, but he's not a box office draw for me.  This commercial may be the most low-key thing he's ever done.  It also doesn't do the game justice.

Granted, this game drove me nuts when it came out (and so does the version in Marvel Ultimate Alliance).  Those alligators you have to jump across always got me as I got nervous and died right before the last one.  That didn't stop me from putting days into this game.  I even attempted to take a picture of my score so I could get the jacket patch.  (The photo turned out to look like some weird Polaroid porn.) 

One of the reasons I bought Activision Hits Remixed was because I thought I could lure Black to my own personal dungeon.  Well, not really.  It was Pitfall, which, ironically, I have to play on that game.  I'm sure it's not as good as I remember it, but for months I couldn't be budged from the original. 

Younger readers may not understand its allure, but let me tell you.  Back in 1982 this was the shit.  Swinging over weird self-closing pits, cobras, gold bars, rolling logs -- no other video game had that.  Say what you want, but this was a lot like the first time you played Grand Theft Auto III ... only with worst graphics and no hooker killing.

Leatherface and the Atari 2600

Some days (like today), I just feel like doing damage.  The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, the original -- not that prettied up remake that passed itself off as disturbing, has always been a favorite of mine.  That spirit of wanton nihilism that is present in every frame makes me smile and really encapsulates what's in my mind.  Had I been able to get the Atari 2600 game when it first came out I would have never stopped playing it.  Now I don't have a 2600, and I really have the hankering to give it a go despite the fact that I know it would be horrible.  (I somehow doubt it is on my Atari Classics Evolved.  It's not like I can unlock any of those games anyway.)

If the game were made today, it would suck.  The developers would screw it up so badly that it would leave fans of the game cursing in disappointment.  A 2600 game would be pointless fun.  A PS3 game would have a story. 

Let's face it, the movie is meant to be experienced, not played.

There are days, however, where grabbing a chainsaw and ripping through idiots is the most appealing aspect of the next 24 hours.  Some people drink.  Some snort cocaine.  I write.  But I also address the the more violent side of myself and don't shy away from it.  As one friend once said, "It looks like you're having another 'Don't Fuck With Me' day."  Oh yeah.

I'm sure this game would be lacking everything that should make for a great game, but most of the 2600 games were like that.  Very simple, but sometimes very addictive.  This would possibly be an addiction despite its crudeness.  I could actually see that adding to the experience. 

Yeah, I never got to play it.  But boy, I want to.

Demon Attack!

Back in the days of the Atari 2600, any game was a good game. If the game had an exiciting box, all the better. As a kid interested in sci-fi, fantasy and video games, you can only imagine how thrilled I was to see Demon Attack at the mall. Just look at the box. . I mean, fuck! Crazy looking robotic dinosaur-like things with rockets flying through space! How could that be bad?

As with all Atari 2600 games, however, the box was more like the concept you were supposed to imagine while playing.



The game itself, from what I remember wasn't horrible. Bird-like creatures swooped down and you shot at them. It's a concept that worked for countless games like Space Invaders, Centipede and Galaga. Simple idea. Fun game because of it.

Imagic, which put out the game, often made games that used the full color palette of the 2600. The game would seem quaint now, but at the time stuff like this was hotcakes. It attracted you to it, and it kept you playing. It sure beat the minimalist Pac-Man approach to gaming.

Despite the fun factor, I do remember feeling slightly ripped off, as I usually did whenever I bought a 2600 game. These things from the sky did not resemble the awesomeness that was on the cartridge box. Instead, they looked like the things from other games with different titles. Still, with a name like Demon Attack, you kind of can't go wrong.

Pac Man Mild Cold

I don't know how my dad did it, but he somehow managed to snag an Atari 2600 with one of the first copies of Pac Man to hit the East Coast. The arcade game was already a huge hit, and the Atari 2600 version of the game was highly anticipated. This made my house the hub of activity for a week or so. To this day I don't know why.

The arcade version of the game is simplistic, which isn't bad. Tetris is even simplier, and that's a great game. I liked Pac Man, I just wasn't thrilled with it. When we got the Atari 2600 version I was aghast. Don't get me wrong, I played that thing like mad, but looking at it made me kind of ill.

Normally I don't mind color schemes like the game used, but when these colors came out on the television I swear they could induce some sort of seizure. I don't know why they looked the way they did. I don't know why I had such a negative reaction, but I did. I did, and it tainted most of my feelings on the entire franchise.

I suppose I should have been more impressed. The Atari 2600, while amazing for the time, was still a primitive machine. It was garish, the controls were touchy, but it starred Pac Man and at that time period there was no better character to be.

Reactor

I first saw the ad for the Atari 2600 game Reactor in a comic book. I don't know why, but the copy for the game made it seem like something I'd want to play. The below commercial did almost the exact opposite.



I ended up getting the game with its unimpressive (by my standards) box. I ended up really liking it, especially the soundtrack (for some strange reason). The game made me a bit tense, as I really feared being "sucked into the vortex." It was, however, everything a good Atari game should be. It was fast and frantic and had me glued to the television for hours on end. Looking at the commerical now shows that it didn't do the game justice.

I don't remember all that much about the comic book ad (other than it may have been drawn by Jack Davis), but I do remember the concept of the game. Being stuck in a nuclear reactor seemed like a cool idea for a game. (And that's saying a lot for someone who lived near enough to Three Mile Island during its crisis that annihilation was a concern.) Sure, like all 2600 games the graphics could've represented anything, but that didn't matter. All that mattered was: Is this game fun?
Reactor was fun. I don't think it's on any anthology/museum game, but if it were, I'd be playing it today. Just don't ask me to watch that damn commercial again.

At War With Atari

I've been doing this thing where I try to get all the awards in Atari Classics Evolved. It's a thankless challenge, but I want to do it. I've got all but one in Super Breakout and a host of others. I decided to give the aforementioned game a break and focus on the awards in Centipede, my all time favorite game.

In no time I beat the three challenges and waited for my awards save screen to appear. Then ... nothing. No awards save screen. No awards rewarded. Then I realized I had been playing the game on the wrong difficulty level. To say I was pissed was an understatement. Clearing the screen of all mushrooms had been hard as hell, and now I had to do it again?

I almost threw the PSP across the room.

I remain undaunted, however. I will beat all 44 challenges, and I will open those Atari 2600 games. It is my will.

(And I will probably be disappointed.)

Just Rewards

Atari Classics Evolved for the PSP received mixed reviews. I can see why, too. Your enjoyment of it will be directly linked to your enjoyment of the original games. In all, you get 11 Atari games in classic and evolved versions. Each game has four awards that you can win, and if you earn all the awards you open up over 50 classic Atari 2600 games. Therein lies the rub.

These awards are tough as hell to get.

There are no cheat codes that I can find.

Frustrating.

The fact that I'd have over 60 games on one UMD was enough to get me to fork over $20 for the game, and if I never unlock all the 2600 games I'll be okay. The awards system also makes me want to play the thing every day. While on vacation I actually unlocked several (and discovered a new love for Warlords), but there are some achievements I'll wonder if I can ever reach.

I've checked out various forums and reviews of this game. All have expressed anger that Atari hasn't made a cheat code available, or even did it that each award unlocked a game (a far better way to go), but in Atari's defense, this may have actually made the game better. It goes from a mere plaything to an obsession. It challenges you in the way the older games did, something that was lost when the NES came to light.

I now want to be the first person to unlock the games. I'll post the list here when I do ... if I do. If someone has already done this, I haven't found it out there.

I just hope E.T. isn't one of the unlockables.

Raiders of the Lost Ark ... Atari Style

If this screen shot means causes your heart to skip a beat, you've beaten the Atari 2600 Raiders of the Lost Ark game. It was a game ahead of its time. The first game I ever remember utilizing two controllers in a single player game. It was also the first game I remember requiring you to actually think and solve real puzzles to get to the end. Remember when you figured out what time you had to be in certain areas and kept watching that watch? Remember the flies? The mesas? The snakes? The whip?

Granted, by today's standards the game is primitive. Anyone growing up on PlayStation would find it embarrassing, but at the time it was one hell of a game. I spent an entire summer playing that thing, and I don't regret one second of it. It was the game all my friends talked about. I wouldn't say it was the Halo of its time because video games were not at that stage yet. They were still fairly fringe items. It was, however, important to all those who played games.

I haven't played a single Indiana Jones game on a console since playing that one. They just haven't interested me. I think that in time I will probably pick up another one if I can get it cheap, but I doubt it will give me the same thrill. I'm older, harder to impress, and I've seen what can be done with games. But I'll be damned if I don't have some great memories of those days...

Taito Time

Anyone who reads my other blog (Cancerous Zeitgeist) knows my obsession with Space Invaders Extreme. I play it on the PSP. I am addicted. There are no twelve step programs for this game, though. You just have to play.

I am stuck on Stage 5. It's ridiculous. I feel like a moron, and I'm pretty sure there is some strange glitch with the game so that I can't advance. (It's the old "this controller doesn't work" argument.) I've been told I have to play to at least Stage 10, and believe me, I want to hear that sexy female voice tell me I've arrived. I just don't see it happening anytime soon.

I'm giving it until the end of this month. If I can't beat Stage 5, I'm moving on. I will revisit the game at some other time. Yes, I'm addicted. Yes, it will be hard to put the game away, but I'm not masochist. I know when I'm beat for a time. I need to regroup.

The funny thing is, I used to hate, fucking hate, Space Invaders. It drove me nuts in the arcade, and when we bought the Atari 2600 game in Canada with like 40 variants on the main theme, I played the hell out of it hating it the entire time. Centipede was my thing. Now, however, I play the hell out of Space Invaders Extreme and love every minute of the frustration. The level designs are brilliant. There is some incredibly serious thought that went into this game. And I can't put it down.

The end of April. Then it's onto N+.