Shoot 'Em Dead Link-Style

Link's Crossbow Training was the first Wii game to use the Wii Zapper.  Was it a good game to showcase this "technology"?  Yes, though it is a little too short as far as a game goes.

This, of course, isn't your traditional Zelda game, as it is first person shooter with you as Link armed with a ... wait for it ... crossbow.  The bolts can be fired in a rapid motion and you can even set some to explode, so realism is kind of tossed to the wind.  Of course, how real can a game be that features the undead shambling around?  Exactly. 

When this first came out, the Zapper was a foreign object.  It looked kind of like a gun and handled like one, but it was really nothing more than a device for keeping the Wii Remote held steady while you shot death across the screen.  Other companies have, of course, copied this, but the original device still holds up quite well when compared to the newer models.

I will admit that I was never a big fan of Link and crew.  This game, however, has kind of made me interested in going back and giving the games (all 800 of them) another chance.  I understand this game is nothing like the others, but I think I have a newfound respect for the characters.  I'm sure the storylines will be dismal, but I am also willing to bet I may get some newfound enjoyment out of them now that I've spent some time taking down hordes of evil and blowing up  things. 
Mandatory FTC Disclaimer: I did not get this game for free. Clicking on a link may earn me a commission, too.
 

Wii Sports Will Kill You

About a year or so ago I bought my daughter a Wii.  Every once in a while I decide to torture myself with it and play Wii Sports.  The one game on there I usually play is boxing.

If you haven't ever played the boxing mode, understand that any semblance to real-life boxing is entirely absent from this game.  You have no arms.  You box strange Asian men or '70s looking male porn stars.  The controls could only be less responsive if they were mired in caramel.  And pulling off a punch is satisfying if only because it's so damn hard.  No, I take that back.  It's fairly easy to pull of a hit.  It's hard to do one that's worth it.  So why do I torture myself so?  It's fun and great exercise.

Depending on how long I pound strange Asian men or '70s porn stars, my arms will ache for a day or so after.  Win a bout and your skill level climbs.  In other games this will make your character better.  In this game it just means you'll be facing harder enemies.  Your actual physical skills while matched with unresponsive controllers is all you'll have.  It doesn't matter what your skill level is in the game.  You're either gonna get your ass creamed or not.

The game is frustrating.  Not frustrating like N+, but frustrating nonetheless.  That frustration, however, translates into harder swings and more satisfaction when you take down your opponent.  Yes, your chest will feel like its about to explode, and your arms will hate you the next day, but you're working up a sweat and you just punched some big-headed weirdo in the face.  That's the sign success.

I have a skill level I'm trying to get to.  I'm about three hundred and some points away from it.  Getting there will be a minor victory in the game of life, but it will be a victory.  Can I make it?  Honestly, I don't even know if the skill level goes that high, but I'm going to push myself to try.  If I have a heart attack in the meantime, so be it.  I'm sure I won't be the first one to have that happen, and I won't be the last.  And that's the only way I'll let the game beat me.

The Wii Vibrator Story Buzzes On ...

I originally wrote about this new device called the Mojowijo that will be available soon to turn yourWii Remote into a self-pleasuring device.  (You can read the original post here.)  It's the most popular post on my site, and now other websites are reprinting what I wrote (without permission, mind you, not that I wouldn't give it).  It's been commented on in many places, mostly by ladies saying the Wii Remote doesn't have enough power to actually serve as a de facto vibrator.  Nice to know they tried.

Some people are, of course, outraged by this.  It seems ridiculous, but one thing I read was that how dare anyone make something like this when the Wii is designed for kids.  These people have never really looked into the Wii or who plays it, and for the record, the Mojowijo is not being marketed to kids.  So what is the problem?

I would think most people don't care about this issue one way or another.  Geeky Wii playing couples may love the idea, and prudes trapped in 1950 may be appalled, but the general public probably doesn't even know it exists, and when they find out they don't care.  You can buy it or not.  It won't be included in a Wii Bundle, and it won't magically show up at your house and attach itself to your Wii Remote.  And that is why most people don't care.  If Fox were to ever do a story on this, that could all change, as its audience would probably be up in arms about it due to whatever spin would be put on the story. 

Let's face it, while it's a fascinating idea, the ladies who say it doesn't have enough power to actually work are right.  I've held vibrators and the Wii Remote (not at the same time), and they don't compare.  I used to have to sell vibrators, and the thing that mattered to women after looks was the power.  It had to be just right.  Too little and the job doesn't get done.  Too much and it's ... too much.  This device will still sell, though, and my post will probably be reprinted in several more places. 

I can't say I'm done writing about it because there may be a new development in the story, but until then, I think I'm done.  It was a fun piece to do, but the world of video games has far more important stories ... such as the upcoming PS3 Move Proctology Device.

Ladies! The Wii is Your New Showerhead!

The Wii.  What can't it do?  Playing great games like Boom Blox.  Getting weather forecasts.  Checking out kitten videos on YouTube.  Streaming movies from Netflix.  Using the Wii Remote as a vibrator.  Wait!  What?  Yeah, that's right.  Thanks to the Mojowijo, you ladies will be able to turn your Remote into a remote self-pleasuring device.

Far be it from me to judge, but I'm hoping anyone who buys this has a remote that is their own.  Not that I would mind using it (I have no qualms with this sort of thing), but friends and other family members may not like bowling with a remote that has been utilized in getting the job done once hubby or the boyfriend has rolled over and gone to sleep. 

Motion2Vibration technology is what is used to make this sucker work remotely over things like Skype and whatnot.  The possibilities, as you can see, with this technology are endless.  When you get tired of flirting onWoW, you can grab the remote and have your Elf Lord or whatever take control from his mom's basement in Houston.  Couples can use it when they are away from each other.  Bets can be made with Tennis games or Tetris.  "Oh, you lost, honey.  Let's crank up the Mojowijo and the camcorder."  The mind reels.

I'm not going to be one of the early adopters for this technology.  It's not that I fear electrocution or some other adverse health risks.  I would just want to make sure all the bugs are out of it first lest the television remote next door somehow screws with the thing.  (Though that could be really interesting.)

Once again the Wii proves that black eyes, dead dogs, broken windows and televisions aren't the only thing it delivers.  Not it can bring you self-satisfaction of the most gratifying kind.  And you thought it was cool because it let old people fence.   

Wii

I finally broke down and bought my daughter a Wii, which I will, of course, also use.  I must admit I was hesitant to purchase it, as the name threw me off, and I couldn't see how the control use could be fun.

I was wrong on the latter, though the former still bugs me.  Not only do the Wii remotes work well, they are also fairly intuitive, though the only two games I have used them on so far are Wii Sports and Wii Sports Resort, both of which my daughter kicks my ass on regularly.

Using the remote to make Miis (something my daughter is very into) or surfing through Wii channels or the web, also gets no complaints from me, though I wish typing were easier.  (You can buy a keyboard for that.)  I'll soon be streaming Netflix films through it, too, which from everything I've heard also goes smoothly.

We've logged in a lot of hours already, and I suspect plenty more are to come.  In all, it was an expensive investment, and I'm not sure the available Wii games are up to par (though I am curious as to what can be downloaded), but the sheer entertainment of what little we have played so far makes it money well spent.

Wii've Come to Play With You

My daughter played the Wii at a friend's house and has expressed a desire to have one. (Honestly, she's expressed a desire to have "every toy made for kids," so I don't know how much she really wants one.) I've had no interest in the system, but there are plenty of people who have told me it is really fun, and I'm starting to think it might be a good investment.

I haven't bought a PS3 for several reasons. Money, lack of exciting games, and lack of backwards compatibility being the main ones. At this point, I see buying a Wii before the PS3, though Gran Turismo is enticing.

If anyone reading this (all two of you) has a Wii and wants to throw in your opinions, feel free. I'd love to get more input before I make a final decision (I'm also considering a PSP for her).