My 100 Most Favorite Video Games of All Time #96: Atari Classics Evolved

If you saw the title of this and your immediate reaction was to groan, you’ve played the game.  You didn’t groan because it sucked, though.  You groaned because it’s hard.  Very hard.  What makes it so difficult?  Atari Classics Evolved teases.  That’s right.  Teases.  Like the girl who wants to do everything but that.  You start out with a few old Atari games (like Centipede, Pong and Missile Command) in both their original state and a new “evolved” state (3D, better graphics, etc.), but if you want to get the fifty-plus Atari 2600 games available for play and dangled in front of your pleading eyes, well, you gotta work for it.

The “work” in this case is unlocking a few achievements in every one of the core games.  There are 11 core games, each with four awards.  If you are too lazy to do the math, that’s 44 awards.  Easy, right?  Hell no!  Yeah, some are obtained with relative ease, but there are others that will have you pulling out your hair trying to obtain them.  At some point you have a brainstorm, and then everything changes.

For me, this brainstorm was about a week into playing the game.  I was trying to unlock something in Super Breakout when it occurred to me: Why am I so hell-bent on unlocking old Atari games to play on a PSP?  What the hell was I thinking?  Would Adventure or Combat really be worth it?  Of course not, but I kept playing anyway, and that’s the beauty of this game.  These are simple, quick games with plenty of replay value, but the idea of getting more games that are actually worse is somehow enough to keep you playing.  It’s the equivalent to getting gold on all the license tests in Gran Turismo in order to win a Chevette to run in the races.

If you look at some of the poorly written reviews on Amazon for the game, you’ll find a lot of people pissed that they have to work to unlock the games (or can’t find cheat codes readily available).  These people obviously don’t get it.  It’s called a “challenge,” and challenges are supposed to be “hard.”  I know these are words lacking from far too many people’s vocabulary, but there we have it.  This game is a challenge, period.  If you don’t think the reward is worth it, don’t play it … or don’t play it for the reward. 

As for me, I have yet to unlock the damn games, but I’m still trying…

Mandatory FTC Disclaimer:  I did not receive this game to review.  Clicking on a link may earn me a commission.

Leatherface and the Atari 2600

Some days (like today), I just feel like doing damage.  The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, the original -- not that prettied up remake that passed itself off as disturbing, has always been a favorite of mine.  That spirit of wanton nihilism that is present in every frame makes me smile and really encapsulates what's in my mind.  Had I been able to get the Atari 2600 game when it first came out I would have never stopped playing it.  Now I don't have a 2600, and I really have the hankering to give it a go despite the fact that I know it would be horrible.  (I somehow doubt it is on my Atari Classics Evolved.  It's not like I can unlock any of those games anyway.)

If the game were made today, it would suck.  The developers would screw it up so badly that it would leave fans of the game cursing in disappointment.  A 2600 game would be pointless fun.  A PS3 game would have a story. 

Let's face it, the movie is meant to be experienced, not played.

There are days, however, where grabbing a chainsaw and ripping through idiots is the most appealing aspect of the next 24 hours.  Some people drink.  Some snort cocaine.  I write.  But I also address the the more violent side of myself and don't shy away from it.  As one friend once said, "It looks like you're having another 'Don't Fuck With Me' day."  Oh yeah.

I'm sure this game would be lacking everything that should make for a great game, but most of the 2600 games were like that.  Very simple, but sometimes very addictive.  This would possibly be an addiction despite its crudeness.  I could actually see that adding to the experience. 

Yeah, I never got to play it.  But boy, I want to.

More Awards Won -- Lunar Lander

By some weird twist of fate, I was able to snag all four awards in the Lunar Lander game on PSP's Atari Classics Evolved. Up until this game, I had never played it.

Sure, I had seen the game back in the day but stayed away from it like it was Defender. Land a craft on the moon? How fun could that be? Nothing was shooting at you or coming at your ship on a chaotic tumble. Video games were not about landing. They were about shooting. Period. I still haven't played the classic mode of the game, but the evolved mode is actually kind of fun. What surprised me was that I was able to get all four awards in relatively short time (compared to my win rate on a game I am great at -- Centipede, which is confounding me every step of the way). I'm ever closer now to getting all 44 awards, but my patience is wearing thin, and I don't know how much more I have in me.

Atari Classics -- One Step Closer

I'm over the half way mark when it comes to the awards in the PSP Atari Classics Evolved. I finished all the Warlords ones (tough), and now have a total of 23 I believe.

Apparently there is a file floating around that has all the awards achieved on it, but I want to do this the old-fashioned way. I want to earn them. Cheat codes are for fuckers with mommy issues. (You know who you are.)

I'm taking my car in to be serviced soon. Two hours of uninterrupted time. I plan on achieving a few more.

Super Breakout: 3 Down 1 To Go

I've earned three awards and now all I have to do is beat the one that requires me to destroy all the yellow and green blocks. Of course, these two colors are gradients, and I'm color blind, but I think I'll manage.

Earning this last reward will clear Super Breakout. It will not even put me at halfway yet. I've earned zero rewards on Tempest.　That may be the next one I go for.

Every day puts me a step closer. I will do this. I think I may be the first one to do it, too. (At least I can hope.)

At War With Atari

I've been doing this thing where I try to get all the awards in Atari Classics Evolved. It's a thankless challenge, but I want to do it. I've got all but one in Super Breakout and a host of others. I decided to give the aforementioned game a break and focus on the awards in Centipede, my all time favorite game.

In no time I beat the three challenges and waited for my awards save screen to appear. Then ... nothing. No awards save screen. No awards rewarded. Then I realized I had been playing the game on the wrong difficulty level. To say I was pissed was an understatement. Clearing the screen of all mushrooms had been hard as hell, and now I had to do it again?

I almost threw the PSP across the room.

I remain undaunted, however. I will beat all 44 challenges, and I will open those Atari 2600 games. It is my will.

(And I will probably be disappointed.)

Just Rewards

Atari Classics Evolved for the PSP received mixed reviews. I can see why, too. Your enjoyment of it will be directly linked to your enjoyment of the original games. In all, you get 11 Atari games in classic and evolved versions. Each game has four awards that you can win, and if you earn all the awards you open up over 50 classic Atari 2600 games. Therein lies the rub.

These awards are tough as hell to get.

There are no cheat codes that I can find.

Frustrating.

The fact that I'd have over 60 games on one UMD was enough to get me to fork over $20 for the game, and if I never unlock all the 2600 games I'll be okay. The awards system also makes me want to play the thing every day. While on vacation I actually unlocked several (and discovered a new love for Warlords), but there are some achievements I'll wonder if I can ever reach.

I've checked out various forums and reviews of this game. All have expressed anger that Atari hasn't made a cheat code available, or even did it that each award unlocked a game (a far better way to go), but in Atari's defense, this may have actually made the game better. It goes from a mere plaything to an obsession. It challenges you in the way the older games did, something that was lost when the NES came to light.

I now want to be the first person to unlock the games. I'll post the list here when I do ... if I do. If someone has already done this, I haven't found it out there.

I just hope E.T. isn't one of the unlockables.