Dumped by Amazon

The more astute reader may notice I've removed the Amazon banner ads from this blog.  This is due to the fact that Amazon yesterday dumped its California affiliates.  Amazon did not do this randomly; it was a response to Jerry Brown signing onto the budget, which included collecting taxes from Internet businesses maintaining a physical presence in California.  I do not know the ins and outs of all this yet, as I am still examining the budget, but it does cut into a lot of people's revenue.  (My other blogs, which can be found at the bottom of this page, will have the Amazon ads cut, too.)

What does this have to do with video games?  Not much, really, other than I may end up closing a few of these blogs and turning my attentions elsewhere.  I will also no longer be providing links to Amazon on the games I write about.  I'll send my readers elsewhere ... until those businesses follow Amazon's lead.

I believe Amazon acted in haste when it did this.  A knee-jerk reaction to a knee-jerk budget.  Perhaps it was hoping to cause Brown to rethink things.  I am not privy to that.  All I know is that Amazon moved fast and without so much as a nice kiss good-bye.

For those who are boycotting Amazon over this, let me recommend Play-Asia for all your video game needs.

Mandatory FTC Disclaimer:  Clicking on an ad may earn me a small commission ... but not from Amazon, and nor will I spend that money there.

The Supreme Court Vs. California's Parents

Every description is worse than the last.  You can shoot people.  You can torture them.  You can tie them up, hack their heads off, wear their skins and defile a nun.  Like music, comic books and the Internet, "violent" video games have been under the attack for the negative effect, as vague as it is, that they have on our children.  Columbine is dragged out (though if anyone took the time to read the FBI's report on that incident you would see how little effect violent video games had on that) time and time again.  The GTA series and Call of Duty are dragged through the mud.  Every argument is some variation on the same: These games are destroying our children.  No real evidence is given.  None is needed.  When children are at stake it is good enough to just make claims ... or so the general line of thinking has gone.

Until now.

The Supreme Court has ruled that California, my home state -- the one that can't balance a budget without yanking away funding to schools and poor kids -- can't regulate the sales of violent video games to minors.  It has recognized that children's parents should be the gatekeepers and not a government that seems to only care about children when it is convenient.  Kudos, Supreme Court, you did right.

It should have never gone this far.  Really.  It should not have been an issue.  Violent video games exist, just like violent movies and violent books.  They are not every game or even a majority of the games (depending on your definition of violence).  In fact, it seems like the production of "questionable" games has been on the decline.  Since these things exist, it is up to the parents to monitor what their kids are playing and, more importantly, actually communicate with their children about them.  I know it is a strange, New Age idea to actually talk to one's children and treat them like individuals capable of making good and bad decisions (a process learned from their parents), but as a parent it is your job to do just that.  I'm a parent.  I talk to my child about everything.  I discuss the pros and cons, and I don't shy away from discussions about violent video games.  Again: It's my job.

Parents are very happy to give up powers to the state.  The less thinking that goes into raising their kids, the better.  Not all parents, but enough that this fight had to go to the Supreme Court.  And now the decision has been handed down.  A decision that is well-reasoned and filled with common sense (two things lacking in many parents I know).  The parents who will feel slighted (and they are legion) will throw up their hands and cry, "What about the children?"  Well, what about them, parents?  Now that the responsibility is in your court, what will you do?  Will you ignore the problem, or will you have an actual conversation with your child?  One that compares reality to fiction, the horrors of war, anti-social behavior and sexual stereotypes?  Or will you go back to asking legislators to do your job?  The same legislators you don't trust to do anything else.  Keep that in mind.  In the end, your kids can see through your hypocrisy.  Let's just hope they make better decisions than you ... despite your parenting.

The Sims Reproduce on Facebook -- One More Thing to Ruin Friendships

EA is bringing The Sims to Facebook in an attempt for you to get more ridiculous wall posts reminding you that Jenny got a job and Mark is dating Linda.  Just when you thought FarmVille posts about getting fence posts was bad enough ...

I have a version of The Sims for the PS2.  I have not played it a lot.  (I did recreate the family from The Devil's Rejects and made a killing room where I let people die.  I also had fun watching them clean up their urine.)  It takes micromanaging to a new level that sometimes make watching paint dry seem like an extreme sport.  So, no, I will not be playing this game on Facebook.

I know fans of this franchise are a rabid bunch.  Many of the people I know who play it quite often can't really manage their own lives, and they obviously don't get the definition of irony.  Many others find it an amusing use of time.  I beg to differ with that one, but what do I know?  I enjoy watching old Stacey Keach movies.

EA is doing this for one reason only.  It's the same reason that defines every company's existence.  Money.  Games on Facebook rake in a huge amount of money every year by people tired of the same ol' same ol'.  They want to buy better in-game items instead of earning them or whatnot.  That's fine.  Capitalists are a lot like vultures.  If there is money to be had, they are circling the body, and Facebook is nothing but a big, rotting body.

I can only imagine the fallout of this, though.  Facebook ruins friendships and working relationships.  I've seen it happen first hand.  What happens on Facebook doesn't stay on Facebook, and people take this social networking crap way too seriously.  With what I can see Sims people doing, I can only imagine the wreckage of friendships, partnerships and marriages.  ("Your Sims dude was flirting with my sister's Sims dudette.  We're through!")  Far from being concerned about that, however, I actually find it kind of amusing.  Maybe this Sims invasion (similar to the bedbug invasion that dominated the news a while back) isn't such a bad thing after all.  The amount of entertainment that could possibly be gained from not playing the video game could far surpass the little entertainment involved in playing it.  This could be the most fun Sims game ever.


Mandatory FTC Disclaimer:  Clicking on a link may earn me a commission, which I shall use to purchase a game room for my Sims people.

PlayStation Network Hack ... Worse Than Originally Thought?

Sony has had its hands full lately.  The April hack, which resulted in the loss of millions (77 million by one account) of people's personal information, is expected to cost the Japanese company the equivalent of $170 million (US).  Couple that with the earthquake that hit Japan and low consumer confidence, and Sony is doing the proverbial shitting of bricks.  Not in public, though.

Sony has been, by all appearances, fairly open about the hack.  Anyone who has studied business, however, knows that the problems Sony has discussed are nothing compared to the problems the company is actually experiencing.  That's Business 101.  Put on a happy face.

Denying new hacks, meekly apologizing about overtaxed servers, stating there is no evidence of any of the credit card information that was stolen being used, and so on is there to put consumers and investors at ease.  Whether or not works remains to be seen, but either way Sony has problems.

Sony has made plenty of mistakes as of late.  The PSP Go and the overpriced PS3 are two of the notable ones.  These are not minor mistakes.  These are company altering mistakes, and while it appeared the company was trying to correct them and ride them out, setbacks like this exemplify just how weak the company has become.  In the years past, people would have forgiven Sony for a hack like this.  They would've stuck by it.  Now?  That future is uncertain.  Plenty of people have lost confidence in the Japanese giant.  The hack pushed them to the edge.  Things are not back to normal yet, and when operations do resume I expect the amount of users on the PlayStation Network may be far less than Sony expects.

Jaw Dropped

My daughter is pretty good at some video games.  Soul Calibur 3 is one of those she kicks much ass on.  In addition to fighting games, she also enjoys racing games (arcade racers).  Her favorite amongst those is the legendary Burnout 3.  Up until two days ago it had been months since we played it.  At that time she did the same thing all little kids do when first learning racing games:  spun around a lot, hit the guardrails a lot, had to reverse a lot. 


Then everything changed.

The other night she asked to play it with me.  I loaded it up on the trusty PS2 and we picked our cars.  The countdown began, and I reminded myself that I would be stopping along the track a few times to let her catch up, much like I've done for Mirror when she attempted to master Gran Turismo 4 (and she will kill me if she reads that).

As soon as we got the green, she was past me.  In fact, it was an honest-to-goodness race, with her leading most of the time (she officially won two of three).  No rail running.  No out of control spins.  Just good ol' fashioned madness that the game is supposed to deliver.  I was so stunned that at one point I was convinced that I was playing the system and not my six-year-old.  Somehow between the last time we played and now she got good at it.  She hasn't been practicing at someone else's house.  She hadn't been practicing when I'm asleep.  She just got good.

Besides being impressed, I started mentally ticking off all the games I could introduce her to.  Games I have avoided because they take more precise control.  She was interested, too.  She started asking me about ones she could see in the stacks.  As she said, "I want to beat you at those, too."

Perfect.



Mandatory FTC Disclaimer:  Clicking on a link can earn me a small commission.  It could lead to some cool games, too.

Gaming As The New Storytelling Medium

When I was in the fourth grade there was this ... incident.  We got a new kid in class named Chris.  He didn't last the day.

Chris was a nail wrong side up from the start.  He was unruly, to be polite.  He called the teacher a pig.  She tried to reason with him.  When that didn't work, she tried to send him to the corner.  His response to this was to overturn his chair, jump on his desk and run around the room all while reminding the teacher she was a pig.

We all sat there watching in silent amusement/shock/horror.

Eventually another teacher was called in and they removed Chris from the classroom by cornering him and literally lifting him off his kicking feet.  We never saw him again.  Kent State was probably still in the teachers' minds, so no police were called, unlike today when pepper spray is used by cops to subdue unruly kids.

The video game industry is a lot like Chris.  It makes a lot of noise, is often seen as out of control and rather pointless by those around it.  You see, the video game industry likes to think it is the next wave in storytelling, the go-to-guys for our entertainment and, dare I say it, art.  Society isn't having it, though,  and the industry isn't responding well to the demands of such a task.  We video game consumers can only sit back and watch it all play out as society tries to control a beast it doesn't understand (and one that doesn't understand itself).

I don't know many people who play video games because of the story they tell or even the art they supposedly represent (I covered that in a post quite some time ago in a post that caused some debate).  Most people play them because they are fun.  There are some fans and many in the industry, though, who insist, like the industry does, that the stories are worthy of comment and mention, and many will even claim they have reached a place where they can be considered "classic" and art.  They will talk about shedding tears at the ending of their favorite games, and others will talk about how these games will eventually replace movies and books as the storytelling medium of choice.

Quite frankly, those people need to set their standards a lot higher, as what I've seen doesn't come close to meeting those goals.

Books, movies and television are arguably the media of choice in culture for delivering a story.  They are agreed upon by critics and consumers to be proven storytelling mediums.  They have done so within the constraints of whatever medium they work in, too.  They don't try to be something they are not, and because of that, when a a film, for example, is made to deliver an experience that is a visual masterpiece and a new direction in storytelling (much like Enter the Void), we give the artistic or entertainment venture a benefit of a doubt because we know from past experience that the medium can deliver.  Video games haven't reached that point yet, and if people don't start getting realistic about it, they never will.

Video games are great entertainment.  They can connect with players in ways that board games or card games cannot.  They are still games, however, and as much as a story might be linked to them, the story will always be secondary to the game play.  Books tell stories.  They are a simple medium that has the ability to deliver a powerful message.  When the Choose Your Own Adventure series came out, it was books trying to become a game, and while it was amusing, it diluted the message the book could deliver.  Had 1984 been written as a Choose Your Own Adventure, it would have never withstood the test of time.

This is not to say video games cannot deliver an amazing experience within the confines of a game.  They can.  I don't think they've done that on a consistent scale yet, though, and until that happens, the general public isn't going to accept them as a viable storytelling medium.  In order for the video games to grow, the public has to accept them on some level.  That will result in mediocre games and definite mishaps (as is standard with books, movies and television), but it will also result in some great games that resonate with people.  Right now more people understand, accept and appreciate Bejeweled than Red Dead Redemption.  One may tell a better story (an easy feat when the other has no story behind it), but until society grabs onto that game like it does a simpler game, that story will have no serious lasting power.

The video game industry has to get its priorities straight.  Does it want to make games that appeal to hardcore gamers, non-gamers and casual gamers alike, or does it want to create stories and art?  Until it focuses on the games, it has no hope of effectively reaching the artistic stage and becoming a serious contender in the storytelling medium.  One easy, surefire test?  Think of how odd it is to hear someone say they don't like or watch movies.  Now think of how common it is to hear people say they don't play video games.  When that changes, video games will be in a position to become a new medium worthy of its boasts.  That day isn't here yet, though, and I don't think we'll be seeing it any time soon.



Mandatory FTC Disclaimer:  Clicking on links to my affiliates will possibly earn me a small commission.  Clicking on other links may provide you with interesting news and information.  Masturbation will not lead to blindness, either.  That's science.

The Saddest Gamer Ever

I recently read the saddest letter ever in Game Informer, a magazine I used to subscribe to until my sub got all screwed up and I somehow got on its "do not mail list." 

In the letter, some lonely guy (age unknown, but I hope he was under 18) lamented the fact that there weren't more "naked girls" in video games.  I like naked women just as much as the next heterosexual guy.  Any shape and size.  Women are works of art, and while I think a clothed woman can be far more erotic than a naked woman, I will agree that a nude woman is never a bad thing.  Even if she's stabbing you, it's a naked woman stabbing you.  How bad can it be?

The fact that this guy/kid/man/boy wanted more naked girls in video games just seemed very sad to me.  Why would that be anyone's desire?  When it comes to video games, I just want ones that provide a challenge and are fun.  I don't need to have simulated sex in them.  I don't need to see nudity unless the game calls for it.  To want nudity just for the thrill factor seems amazingly short-sighted and pitiful.

I suppose there are people out there who masturbate to video games or pictures from them.  That, of course, is probably the geekiest thing one could do.  It seems like taking pleasure from ill-proportioned images that look like no females I know is a recipe for relationship disaster -- either maintaining one or starting one.  At least pornography features real women.  They may not look like a lot of women you know, but they weren't created from code courtesy of a diet of Mountain Dew and Taco Bell.  (Unless, of course, that's what led to the porno star's parents coupling.)

I know females in video games can be erotic.  I've played We Love Katamari.  (That was a joke.)  But you can take things too far.  Wishing for more naked females in video games is doing that.  It is a full-on embrace of the fact that despite your best intentions you will never get laid by a woman of caliber.  It's a fact:  If a woman hears you say that, chances are she's not interested in appearing naked for you.  Female nudity is a gift to all heterosexual men, not a selling point for video games.  Once that letter writer gets that, his life will be instantly better.



FTC disclaimer:  Clicking on the affiliate link and buying the game will get me a commission.  It will not lead to pictures of naked Katamari people.  Would you really want to see that?  Okay, yeah, maybe you would want to see the schoolgirls if, that is, you work for the FTC.

The Trouble With Chuzzles

If you have played Bejeweled, the creators of which happened to make Chuzzle, as well, you are already familiar with the idea.  Get three fuzzy balls of the same color in a row to pop them.  Sometimes Chuzzles get locked.  Sometimes they are bigger than normal.  Pretty basic.  Pretty easy to learn.  Pretty addictive. 

Just like all the most addictive games, this one can be picked up by anyone.  And since it's on several platforms (I played on my Windows laptop), it's available to just about everyone.

This is not the greatest game to ever be played, but I will admit that yesterday, while in the throes of stomach cramps from some weird bug or another, I played this for two hours without realizing the time had gone by.  I was actually shocked when I realized how late it was, and I blame these furry balls with eyes that resemble a crafts project I used to do at my grandmother's house as a kid.

I know the hardcore gamers are scoffing at this, but the reality is that people like these kinds of games.  Not everyone can just jump into Killzone 3 for a few minutes and feel like they are getting the hang of it.  Casual gamers like something they can play while waiting for the bus or a pap smear.  You can't do that with just any game.

Chuzzle, which sounds kind of obscene, is not a game I will play every day or even every month, but when I have some down time, I will be picking it up.  I just hope I don't lose two hours every time I do it, or that could start to be some sort of total time drain.

The Wii Vibrator Story Buzzes On ...

I originally wrote about this new device called the Mojowijo that will be available soon to turn yourWii Remote into a self-pleasuring device.  (You can read the original post here.)  It's the most popular post on my site, and now other websites are reprinting what I wrote (without permission, mind you, not that I wouldn't give it).  It's been commented on in many places, mostly by ladies saying the Wii Remote doesn't have enough power to actually serve as a de facto vibrator.  Nice to know they tried.

Some people are, of course, outraged by this.  It seems ridiculous, but one thing I read was that how dare anyone make something like this when the Wii is designed for kids.  These people have never really looked into the Wii or who plays it, and for the record, the Mojowijo is not being marketed to kids.  So what is the problem?

I would think most people don't care about this issue one way or another.  Geeky Wii playing couples may love the idea, and prudes trapped in 1950 may be appalled, but the general public probably doesn't even know it exists, and when they find out they don't care.  You can buy it or not.  It won't be included in a Wii Bundle, and it won't magically show up at your house and attach itself to your Wii Remote.  And that is why most people don't care.  If Fox were to ever do a story on this, that could all change, as its audience would probably be up in arms about it due to whatever spin would be put on the story. 

Let's face it, while it's a fascinating idea, the ladies who say it doesn't have enough power to actually work are right.  I've held vibrators and the Wii Remote (not at the same time), and they don't compare.  I used to have to sell vibrators, and the thing that mattered to women after looks was the power.  It had to be just right.  Too little and the job doesn't get done.  Too much and it's ... too much.  This device will still sell, though, and my post will probably be reprinted in several more places. 

I can't say I'm done writing about it because there may be a new development in the story, but until then, I think I'm done.  It was a fun piece to do, but the world of video games has far more important stories ... such as the upcoming PS3 Move Proctology Device.

Ladies! The Wii is Your New Showerhead!

The Wii.  What can't it do?  Playing great games like Boom Blox.  Getting weather forecasts.  Checking out kitten videos on YouTube.  Streaming movies from Netflix.  Using the Wii Remote as a vibrator.  Wait!  What?  Yeah, that's right.  Thanks to the Mojowijo, you ladies will be able to turn your Remote into a remote self-pleasuring device.

Far be it from me to judge, but I'm hoping anyone who buys this has a remote that is their own.  Not that I would mind using it (I have no qualms with this sort of thing), but friends and other family members may not like bowling with a remote that has been utilized in getting the job done once hubby or the boyfriend has rolled over and gone to sleep. 

Motion2Vibration technology is what is used to make this sucker work remotely over things like Skype and whatnot.  The possibilities, as you can see, with this technology are endless.  When you get tired of flirting onWoW, you can grab the remote and have your Elf Lord or whatever take control from his mom's basement in Houston.  Couples can use it when they are away from each other.  Bets can be made with Tennis games or Tetris.  "Oh, you lost, honey.  Let's crank up the Mojowijo and the camcorder."  The mind reels.

I'm not going to be one of the early adopters for this technology.  It's not that I fear electrocution or some other adverse health risks.  I would just want to make sure all the bugs are out of it first lest the television remote next door somehow screws with the thing.  (Though that could be really interesting.)

Once again the Wii proves that black eyes, dead dogs, broken windows and televisions aren't the only thing it delivers.  Not it can bring you self-satisfaction of the most gratifying kind.  And you thought it was cool because it let old people fence.   

Tetris -- The Card Game?

Yes, it exists.  A card game based around Tetris, a video game more addictive than meth.  I watched a YouTube demo of this game and stopped it after a few seconds as the concept looked absolutely boring ... the exact opposite of the foundation game. 

It seems odd that a company, Fundex in this case, would take a game where the technology is so tied into it and turn it into something static.  It's not like you can't find Tetris to play on whatever gaming system/phone/iPad/handheld device you own.  It's everywhere, like the phrase "it is what it is" and Hollister shirts.  Hell, you can't avoid the game.  This all raises the question: Who wants to play this?

There are only three markets I can see for this game.  The first and most obvious is the hardcore Tetris addicts.  Fundex must assume they'll want to continue playing when the power goes out and all batteries are dead.  The next is the group who have never played the game (perhaps because they are terrified of the voodoo that must power any video game).  It is doubtful these players are going to say, "Well, I never wanted to play the video game, but a card game based on it seems like loads of fun!"  The third and final group is the Amish.  The Amish's sans technology life (except when you get sent into the real world around the age of 18 in order to flirt with Satan) means that game consoles don't readily find their way into the community built houses.  Basing a game on an Amish demographic seems like a bad idea.

I love Tetris, as noted by my many posts.  I will not be buying this game as I am not Amish or an idiot.  More power to the people who play it, however.  Maybe next you'll get the card game based on Dance Dance Revolution.

Pixelated Rawhide

First, you may have noticed the new masthead.  It is courtesy of Felix Vasquez, Jr., who does the Cinema Crazed site.  I thank him.  Gotta love Missile Command.  Speaking of other Atari 2600 classics ... Stampede.  1981.  Activision.  Oh yeah, it didn't get better than Activision in those days.

Stampede was an underrated game in its day.  In 1981 nobody wanted to play a game where you were a cowboy.  That was "old."  You had to be fighting aliens or something at least current, like communists.  Now, however, you can see the genius behind the game.

The premise is simple: lasso various cattle (the different colors were different points).  Your horse moved and so did the cattle.  You would direct your horse and rider up or down and try your best not to bypass any cows.  When you first start out you can bypass three cows before the game is over.  There are obstacles set in your way, too, like skulls and cows that don't move.  These things serve to slow you up.

As with all the most addictive games, simple is better.  The cows move at various speeds, but there is a pattern to it, so if you memorize the pattern, you can rack up some impressive points (and get those patches Activision gave out). 

I've been playing the game on my PSP with Activision Hits Remixed (and have been very tempted to turn off that '80s soundtrack).  As far as I can tell, it holds up well to the original, though I never owned the game and only played it at a friend's house. 

If this game were to be remade today it would be needlessly complicated.  I believe it could be easily translated to an iPhone, however, if it hasn't been so already.  Its very nature makes it a great game for passing time while waiting for the cable guy to show up or something.

Beats

I use my PSP for some music storage.  I used to listen to it a lot at work (where Nashville Pussy helped me get through the day without putting scissors in someone's stomach).  It was fine for listening to music, having a decent shuffle mode and some great visuals that went in time to the music.  Being able to export the songs to the soundtrack to my FIFA games was just icing on the cake.  And then I found out about Beats...

Beats is a rhythm based game, something familiar to anyone who has played any of the DDR or Guitar Hero games.  You simply push buttons in time with the music.  Beats comes pre-loaded with your standard sub-par songs, but it also reads whatever you have stored in your memory.  Thus, you can either play the game to some techno shit from twenty-year-old coke fiend, or you can play it to GG Allin's "I Kill Everything I Fuck."  With a series of different difficulty modes things can get pretty intense (trying playing it on "hard" to anything by Cannibal Corpse).

What I actually found this game to be best for is relaxing.  Even if the song is fast and the game play drives you nuts, it's still nice to sit there listening to music you like playing a game to it.  The rhythms kind of lull you into a peaceful state (another thing that keeps me from putting scissors into someone's stomach).

As of now, and probably forever, the game is only available for download through the PlayStation Network and from Amazon for about $5.00.  (I should have the link here if you are interested.)  At that price it is a steal.  Honestly, it's worth it at even twice the price (which is what I believe I originally paid for it).

Hell in a Dungeon

I purchased What Did I Do to Deserve This, My Lord!? 2 over the weekend for various reasons.  One of those reasons was the that while looking up the hardest games ever for the PSP, I saw that this was at the top of the rankings.  That sealed the deal, as they say in the condom business.  I was buying the game to prove something to myself.

Unfortunately, all I've proven is that what set me off on this quest may have a ring of truth to it.  I may be getting too old for this shit.

I should've known this game would not be easy when the tutorials themselves needed to be unlocked.  That is a bad, bad sign.  I could do the first few that were unlocked with little problem, but when I got to the unlocked challenges, that's when things quickly fell apart.

The basic concept of the game is that you create an ecosystem in a dungeon to kill adventurers who wander in.  Hey, I like killing things, and I like watching things mate, so this seemed like a slam dunk.  Unfortunately, I believe the game is developed by the Japanese (which means all kinds of high weirdness), and playing God in a dungeon is a lot harder than it is playing God with the Sims people or any of those Civilization games.  I have not been able to get 24 Lizardmen to populate the dungeon for the life of me.  It's not that I'm not trying or not using different strategies.  I just can't do it.  I'm up for the challenge, though.  I will use this addled brain of mine and come up with something that works.  Anything else is just not acceptable.

Of course, I could always go back to Break Quest.  That's cake compared to this one.

Halo

When I was considering an Xbox, I took a look at its premiere game, Halo.  I had heard mixed things about it.  There were people I knew who loved it, but could only say it was because it was "fun."  Then there were those who enjoyed it, but were quick to say it wasn't anything all that special. 

I played a demo of it to see for myself, understanding that the demo would not be the full game but that it should offer me some kind of incentive to get the game.

I found the graphics to be very nice to look at ... and that was about it.  It wasn't anything new, and while blasting shit was enjoyable, it didn't grab me the way it did in Red Faction.  I passed on Halo and passed on the Xbox. 

I understand why this franchise sells well.  It's the same reason Transformers is number one at the box office.  People don't have very high standards and are easily amused and just as easily distracted.  It enables anything that may hold one's attention for longer than ten minutes to be considered "classic." 

I also understand that there will be those who say that since I didn't play the complete game, a demo was no way to judge that.  Normally I'd agree, but the demo in question was made to entice people to purchase the game ... and it didn't work for me.  If a company's sales pitch fails, why would I give the finished product a chance?  If it had gotten me even slightly interested in the game, I would have pursued it to see if it lived up to my expectations, but the demo didn't even come close.  Xbox's flagship title did not draw me in, and therefore I avoided the entire system.  Fair or unfair, that's how it worked.  I still don't have an Xbox and probably never will own one.

But if I do, I won't be buying Halo.

Best Video Game Franchise Ever

When it comes to video games, I have a few things I look for them.  Replay value and enjoyment are two of the key things.  Graphics mean little to me.  Storylines don't mean much, either.  (Most of the storylines in games are awful, and when someone says something like Doom has a great story, I have to question his sanity.)

The Gran Turismo franchise has all this and more, and that is why I consider it the best video game franchise ever.  (Granted, I haven't played Gran Turismo 5, but I imagine it lives up to the series' high standards.)  Some of you will disagree, mainly fans of Mr. Mario, but hear me out.

Besides the incredible replay value, the GT franchise offers something few other games do: it teaches you and gives you the most thorough sense of accomplishment deemed possible in a video game.  Yes, that's right, it teaches you.  Mastering this game will give you a good knowledge of cars and actually make you a better driver.  Few games can make such a boast.

Yes, getting Gold in all the license tests is an exercise in determination and self-control, but if you get that, you deserve them.  While other video games determine if you win or lose by a point or lives, in the GT series you are dealing in thousandths of a second.  If you have to complete a test in 39 seconds, you will fail if you hit 39.001.  Frustrating?  You bet.  But if you stick with it, you will actually deserve that medal.

The series is not without flaws, though.  In the GT community, these flaws are well-known and often discussed.  The AI of your opponent cars is laughable at times.  Up until the fifth game there was no car damage, either.  The damage you can do nothing about, but if you race your car as if it were a real car and try to keep off your opponents you'll find that the game experience is almost makes up for that lack of AI.  It truly is a game that gives you more if you put more into it.

I know my take on this will be contested by people, and I'm fine with that.  Everyone has their favorites.  If all my games but these disappeared, I'd be okay (well, I'd miss a lot of them, including all my FIFA games).  If my GT games disappeared, however, I would be seriously upset.

If you want to argue against it, go right ahead.  I'm waiting ...

Why the Japanese Are Insane

If you've played Work Time Fun you come away from it with only one thought: the Japanese are fucking crazy.

If you've never played it, here's the quick and dirty on it: absurd mini-games where you earn money to buy trinkets, other mini-games, and tools for your PSP.  The mini-games include chopping wood (or bunnies), capping pens, counting people, getting ladies' phone numbers, performing seances, and cooking pottery.  It sounds like a recipe for disaster, but is strangely addictive, as I've written before.  The entire concept of the game is strange to say the least, and I'm slightly disturbed by my daughter's love of the mushroom hunter game, but spending anything more than ten minutes with the game gives you a clear sense that while the Japanese may be insane, they are also brilliant.

The game takes in all the socialization that our Japanese friends seem to love, while also taking advantage of the fact that the PSP works best in short doses.  The games are just strange enough and have such a strange amount of variety that you keep playing just to see what will happen next and collect more stuff (I want more duck training toilets).  This is a game that Americans could make, but would never make this good because we just don't get it.  For some odd reason, the Japanese have some deep understanding of the psyche involved in enjoying something like this -- an absurdist collector mentality, if you will.

I had heard of a sequel being produced, and I thought I saw one, but I believe it is only available in Japan, which means all the instructions will be in Japanese, a language I do not understand. 

If you have a PSP and this game seems remotely interesting, I recommend you download it or find a hard copy for yourself.  You can get it from the PlayStation Network for under ten bucks, so it is well worth it.  If, on the other hand, you didn't understand the appeal of any of this -- stay the hell away.  Playing the game won't change your obviously dysfunctional mind.

Killers

Killer Instinct always felt like it was trying to be a cooler Mortal Kombat.  Did it succeed?  No, not really, though I always found the characters more visibly pleasing, and the moves were easier to pull off.

Those who remember the game, and I know they are out there, remember the Harryhausen-like Spinal, Cinder, the nod-to-Universal Sabrewulf, Raptor and so on.  They looked fairly unique, they were fully animated, and there seemed to be one for every personality type.  The Super Nintendo version of the game, which came with a soundtrack CD, was a toned down version of the arcade game due to memory limitations, but that didn't seem to matter to thousands of players.  This was the shit.

A sequel came out, which only the die hards seem to remember, and while there has always been talk of returning to the franchise, it hasn't happened yet, and some wonder if it ever will.

If this game came out today, I doubt it would be as well-received (even with a graphic upgrade and whatnot).  In its time, however, when fighting games ruled the arcade, it felt different.  It was a fighting game that attracted those put off by the mathematic play of the other biggie (Mortal Kombat) again, and the seemingly undeserved popularity of Street Fighter.  Now it would be just another blip on the radar, as fighting games have to be something truly special to warrant anything other than a passing glance.

God of War The Hydra Battle Demo Disc Up on eBay

Rarely do I put games up for sale, but I'm selling this one. Click here to bid on it on eBay.

This is a must-have for GOW fans, as it has directory commentary and a making of video.  I wouldn't be selling it, but I need money for a computer, turntable and car repairs.  My misery is your gain.

The Attacks Continue ...

With the recent elections ancient history (of two days ago), there is one thing that should alert the die-hard gamers amongst you. 

Nothing has changed.

Video games are still threatened much in the same way comic books and music have been in the past.  Democrats and Republicans alike are not your friends on this subject.  The games are something they don't understand, and since they think that only kids play them and kids don't vote that makes the gaming industry an easy target.

The only thing on our side is that the politicos have so much on their plate right now that going after video games makes it seem like they aren't dealing with important issues like the economy, war and all those wonderful things that come with them.  That's our safety net right now.  2012 may be different.

Voting for or against a candidate based solely on whether or not he or she wants to ban "violent" video games is a bad idea.  Using it as a barometer on how the candidate feels about freedoms and the sacred free market is perfectly acceptable, however, as those who want to ban one thing usually want to ban multiple things.

Keep your eyes on the candidates, and don't let them dictate your entertainment choices ... or any other choices for that matter.

Kill Me Now!

This posting's title is just one of the many phrases heard in the Postal video game.  Like Doom and the Grand Theft Auto franchise, Postal came ready-made with controversy. 

The game was pretty simple: Kill people.  Shoot them.  Blow them up.  Use a flame thrower.  Whatever you had at your disposal.  Kill enough and exit the level.  Start again.

I played my copy (which I still have) on the Mac.  Getting to the final level, which was a school, if I recall, gave me a feeling of revulsion.  Things, however, weren't as they appeared, which helped me feel better about the game.  It was the first time I can ever remember thinking that maybe a game had gone too far.  (If you've played it, you know what I mean.)

I didn't play this game for the challenge or some great storyline.  I played it as tension relief.  Bad day at work?  Shoot a few civilians in the safety of a game.  It beat doing it for real, and that's what I think a lot of people missed.

Games like this are a great way to get the stress out in a way that isn't harmful to anyone.  Little kids play war, and then they grow up and do this.  It has nothing to do with real violence, and little to do with anti-social feelings, either.  It is, first and foremost, a game.

The clerk who sold it to me (I was over 18) was hesitant.  He said something about not being sure he should even be selling it.  I didn't need his social commentary, but politely reminded him that it was just a game.  He did not, it should be noted, refuse to take my cash.

Every time a politician or parent group gets up in arms about a video game, I think back to this one.  I think of how some people will never understand it, and maybe they aren't meant to.  Games like this should raise questions and cause debate, but they shouldn't be banned.  The real problem, something that is never discussed in these debates, is not that the games are violent, but that we live in a society that is so stressful that these games exist as stress relief.  That is something that is never looked at in the arguments, but is essential nonetheless.  Perhaps if we lived in a saner world, there would be no need for these games.  Until that day comes, though, I'll happily blow things up in pixel and polygon form instead of steel and concrete.

Yet Another Addiction

Lumines.  Yes, another addiction on the PSP.  I have always wanted this game, but finally found it at an acceptable price.

Jesus.  This is more addictive than Tetris.  At first it seems easier, too, and it is, but once things get out of control they get out of control fast. 

Now I want to pick this up for the PS2, as well, and it makes me wonder if the Wii has a variation on it.

As most people already know, this is a puzzle game where you have to make a square of the same four colors.  Music, which is not my style, plays in the background and interacts with the puzzle (you have to play to understand).  You can seriously sit and play this for like a half an hour before it starts to go crazy, but by that point you are so hooked you can't help but continue.  In the past three weeks since I've bought this I've played it about a hundred times.  I'm convinced it will keep me from getting Alzheimer's or something.  I am also getting all the sequels ASAP.

I had been cutting back on video games for a while, instead using the time to work on my manuscript.  After trying this out, though, it became a great way to clear my mind between writing sessions.  It is not ideal before bed, as is often the case with any video game.

And now, time for yet another session ... until a new one comes along.

Wii

I finally broke down and bought my daughter a Wii, which I will, of course, also use.  I must admit I was hesitant to purchase it, as the name threw me off, and I couldn't see how the control use could be fun.

I was wrong on the latter, though the former still bugs me.  Not only do the Wii remotes work well, they are also fairly intuitive, though the only two games I have used them on so far are Wii Sports and Wii Sports Resort, both of which my daughter kicks my ass on regularly.

Using the remote to make Miis (something my daughter is very into) or surfing through Wii channels or the web, also gets no complaints from me, though I wish typing were easier.  (You can buy a keyboard for that.)  I'll soon be streaming Netflix films through it, too, which from everything I've heard also goes smoothly.

We've logged in a lot of hours already, and I suspect plenty more are to come.  In all, it was an expensive investment, and I'm not sure the available Wii games are up to par (though I am curious as to what can be downloaded), but the sheer entertainment of what little we have played so far makes it money well spent.

Robot Tank, Mofos!

I have been playing Robot Tank like mad on my PSP.  Originally released on the Atari 2600, this Activision game actually kind of kicks ass.

Activision was my favorite video game company back in the day.  I don't remember if I had this game back in the 1980s, but I'm glad I have it now courtesy of Activision Hits Remixed.  As far as those old video games go, this one is kind of advanced.

First, you have to ignore that your journey to Santa Clara, California takes you through rain, fog and snow all in the course of a few days.  It just isn't likely, but it does show that Activision was dedicated to throwing in different environments in which to destroy tanks.  Fog cut visibility.  Rain and snow affected your movement.

Another interesting and rare feature was damage.  In early video games, a hit destroyed you.  That can happen here, too, but an indirect hit can affect your visuals (screen goes black at random), your cannon (it only works sometimes), radar (essential in the dark and in fog and if your visuals go out), or treads (which lets you move only at a snail's pace).  It leads to some fairly intense action ... for an old video game.

I could see this game being remade today with updated graphics and the like, but quite honestly, this one still presents a challenge as you traverse the elements and go from day to night.  For an Atari 2600 game it is fairly advanced.  By today's standards it is something to do while waiting in line somewhere.  That said, I'm having a hard time putting down, as I'm trying to reach the goal of 60 tanks destroyed.  I've made it to 58.  I will hit 60 and probably unlock a patch or something (Activision used to award them as prizes).  Then I'll move onto the other games in the package and probably go through some nostalgia.  I doubt many will hold up as well as this one, though.

Top Gear in Gran Turismo 5

11/2/10.  That is the set release date of Gran Turismo 5.

We all know how that goes.

I love the franchise and may buy a PS3 for this one, but should, in all honesty, get the Wii first.  That said, there is one thing that really has me chomping at the bit, so to speak.

The Top Gear test track is in this one.  That's right.  The best show on television, which has often referenced and used Gran Turismo, is now getting its turn in the game. 

I'm donning a white firesuit and describing myself as a man who is afraid of ducks (Stig reference for all you ignorant types).  This is, of course, grand news.

I have my doubts about the release date, because we've heard this before.  I know Polyphony seems pretty firm with this date, but I'll believe it when I see it. 

3D.  Chicago.  950 cars.  This is ... a wet dream.

But is it Art?

Roger Ebert, a film critic I happen to respect (he's also a huge inspiration when it comes to my own film journalism pieces), posted a piece on his blog a while back about video games not being art.  You can read it here.

I obviously love video games, and if you read my other blogs, you know I am a big supporter of art over entertainment.  Ebert's piece, which has raised all kinds of hackles in the video game world, was well-written and it proved his point.  He even went so far as to question why video games should even concern themselves with the art issue.

So, how do I feel about it? 

I agree with him.

Video games can be artistic, but none of them have risen to the level of fine art yet.  Not a single one I can think of.  The problem is they can be artistic, and can even be played artistically, but at the end of the day -- they are games through and through.  Games have scoring systems, rules, certain criteria that must be met to win or complete them.  That's not art. 

Ebert asked why games had to be considered art, and I have to agree with that, too.  Why can't they be satisfied being great games?  Why is there no pride in that?  Look at what happens to artistic mediums when they aspire to be something else.  For example, comic books.

Comic books have been doing things like "director's commentary" and printing in widescreen format, both of which seem ridiculous in a comic book format.  They aren't satisfied with being comic books (and they are artistic).  They want to be movies because that is where the respect is at.  Even when there is a movie being made of a comic book, the comic book will do a movie adaptation! 

Video games aspire to lofty plateaus.  They want to be art.  In doing so, they have forgotten what appeals to gamers -- a good game.  I love video games, but I don't care that they aren't art.  They can still be things of wonder and beauty, but no video game has ever inspired me to create (my art of choice is writing, if you don't know).  And if they have inspired people, I believe it is probably only inspiration to create more games.  Sort of like a chocolate chip cookie may inspire you to bake.

Ebert is right.  As of now, video games aren't art.  They may never be, either, unless we change our definitions of games.

Let me know I'm wrong.  In fact, I'd like to be proven wrong.  Game Informer did a fairly large piece on this issue, and I am far from convinced. 

Ebert is right.  He not only knows film, but he knows art.  And while he may not play video games -- I do, and I agree with him.

Jack Black Loves Pitfall Harry

If you had an Atari 2600, you had Pitfall.  It sold something like 4 million copies and was one of the best selling games on the system.  A young Jack Black did one of the commercials for the game.



I'm not a huge Black fan.  I mean, he's not the worst actor around, but he's not a box office draw for me.  This commercial may be the most low-key thing he's ever done.  It also doesn't do the game justice.

Granted, this game drove me nuts when it came out (and so does the version in Marvel Ultimate Alliance).  Those alligators you have to jump across always got me as I got nervous and died right before the last one.  That didn't stop me from putting days into this game.  I even attempted to take a picture of my score so I could get the jacket patch.  (The photo turned out to look like some weird Polaroid porn.) 

One of the reasons I bought Activision Hits Remixed was because I thought I could lure Black to my own personal dungeon.  Well, not really.  It was Pitfall, which, ironically, I have to play on that game.  I'm sure it's not as good as I remember it, but for months I couldn't be budged from the original. 

Younger readers may not understand its allure, but let me tell you.  Back in 1982 this was the shit.  Swinging over weird self-closing pits, cobras, gold bars, rolling logs -- no other video game had that.  Say what you want, but this was a lot like the first time you played Grand Theft Auto III ... only with worst graphics and no hooker killing.

Leatherface and the Atari 2600

Some days (like today), I just feel like doing damage.  The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, the original -- not that prettied up remake that passed itself off as disturbing, has always been a favorite of mine.  That spirit of wanton nihilism that is present in every frame makes me smile and really encapsulates what's in my mind.  Had I been able to get the Atari 2600 game when it first came out I would have never stopped playing it.  Now I don't have a 2600, and I really have the hankering to give it a go despite the fact that I know it would be horrible.  (I somehow doubt it is on my Atari Classics Evolved.  It's not like I can unlock any of those games anyway.)

If the game were made today, it would suck.  The developers would screw it up so badly that it would leave fans of the game cursing in disappointment.  A 2600 game would be pointless fun.  A PS3 game would have a story. 

Let's face it, the movie is meant to be experienced, not played.

There are days, however, where grabbing a chainsaw and ripping through idiots is the most appealing aspect of the next 24 hours.  Some people drink.  Some snort cocaine.  I write.  But I also address the the more violent side of myself and don't shy away from it.  As one friend once said, "It looks like you're having another 'Don't Fuck With Me' day."  Oh yeah.

I'm sure this game would be lacking everything that should make for a great game, but most of the 2600 games were like that.  Very simple, but sometimes very addictive.  This would possibly be an addiction despite its crudeness.  I could actually see that adding to the experience. 

Yeah, I never got to play it.  But boy, I want to.