The Minis Have Arrived?

Considered a miss, the PSP Go may not have set sales on fire, but it did show the world that Sony is giving serious consideration to the path cell phones are on.  Minis, the games you can download on the PlayStation Network, are Sony's answer to iPhone (and the like) apps.  This plan seems to be working.

The PSP,  which is what I play Minis on, is obviously a handheld system.  When dealing with a handheld system, I tend to think the games should be shorter in length as opposed to the epic games you play on the PS3.  I don't mind the longer games, but sometimes you just want to dive into something that's going to last about 15 minutes.  That's where the Minis come in (though they haven't taken off like gangbusters just yet).  There are all kinds of titles to fit just about every taste, and they are meant to be played in short bursts.  They appeal to the app mindset, as well, but I don't think they'll cause anyone who plays games on their phone to consider a PSP simply for the Minis.

If you want a PSP, you either already have one or are saving up for one.  I can't see some iPhone user who has downloaded a Tetris-clone thinking, "This is great!  I bet the Minis on the PSP are even better.  I've got to get one."  It's just not going to happen.

For PSP users, however, these games are like a godsend, and if they sell well I can only see them getting better.  They are affordable, enjoyable, and don't eat up a lot of your time.  As they become greater in number, though, there will be more crap to wade through, so the reviews and word-of-mouth will become even more important.  (Big fan of Tetris here.  Nobody likes blowing $60 on a bad game, but at least you can always say you got a few hours of play out of it.  $5.00 for a crappy game that is short in length almost seems worse.

Sony, which has had a series of missteps that seemed to start with the pricing of the PS3 and most recently occurred with the aforementioned PSP Go, has it right this time. 

Final Fantasy Freaks

I want to make two things perfectly clear: I'm not a prude, and I know there are all kinds of weird kinks out there.  There is porn dedicated to women having their feet glued to the floor, to men who like to screw horses and so on.  What I never guessed was porn created around the world of Final Fantasy.

I've never played any of the Final Fantasy games.  I never played them because I didn't like the name.  I know it sounds weird, but if it's the final fantasy there shouldn't be more than one of them.  I know the story behind the name and all that, but it still won't get me to buy them.  Yes, I'm picky, but I bet you do some pretty stupid shit, too, like look at Final Fantasy porn.

So how the hell did I come across this (no pun intended)? 

I was going to do a post on the world of Final Fantasy games and wanted some art to go with it, so I did a Google search for "naked Final Fantasy."  That, of course, led to the wonderful world of Final Fantasy facials, fellatio and female submission. 

One site is Final Fantasy Hentai.  From here you can find porn dedicated to Tomb Raider, too.  What the hell?  Is there such a lack of porn on the Internet that masturbating to images of Lara Croft is the only thing that will get people off now?  Do people have so much trouble relating to real females that polygons are easier to deal with and more exciting?

I always looked at the Final Fantasy universe as something inhabited by people with spikey hair fantasies and the mindset that bigger is always better.  Now I realize it is also populated with socially awkward bedroom masturbaters with little to no communication skills.

We live in a world where Senators (who are also sexually deviant in their own boring way) take the Grand Theft Auto franchise to task for its use of sex and violence, yet make no mention of "A Real Yuna, and a Real Cum Shot."  Perhaps they, like pimple-faced 13-year-old boys and sexually experimenting twentysomething females, are enjoying the world of Final Fantasy filth a little too much.

More power to you, freaks!  I'll stick with crush videos and secret footage of drunk girlfriends urinating.

That Sick, Sweet Addiction Returns

It started off innocent enough.  My daughter challenged me to a game of Space Invaders Extreme.  I am not one to let a challenge go unmet, so I agreed. 

And I was hooked again.

Previously it had been months since I touched the PSP game.  Not that I didn't like it.  I do ... a lot.  I just thought I'd give it a rest for a spell and focus on a few other games.  This one, however, is like crack.  You can tell yourself you'll play a few games, and then three weeks later you are still going at it.

If you've read my previous posts on the subject, you know I was never a huge fan of the original game, though I had it for my Atari 2600.  This version of the game, however, is so insanely addictive that three minutes of it sends me on a bender of massive proportions.

I think every gamer has one of those games.  A game they just strive to better themselves at no matter how often it's beat them or they've beat it.  I have a few of those, but this one ranks at the top.

I suppose soon I'll put it away again, vowing not to go back to it for a few months.  Telling myself I want to play something else.

And then my daughter will throw down the gauntlet and it'll start all over again.           

Mortal Kombat Vomit Attack

The man on the left is Bo' Rai Cho from Mortal Kombat: Deception.  If you have any interest in video games, you've heard of the Mortal Kombat franchise, which includes outrageous attacks and fatalities.  The man on the left has one of the strangest attacks in the series.





Puke Puddle.

That's right.

Punk Puddle.

Attack with Bo' Rai Cho and one of the things you can make this drunken warrior do is spew vomit onto the ground so that his opponent slips and slides in it, giving you an extra few seconds to attack.

Effective?  Yeah.  Civilized?  Only if you live in a frat.

I'm not a huge fan of the franchise, but I play the games sometimes to relieve stress, and while my daughter enjoys the Soul Caliber franchise more, she's been known to kick my ass at this game, too.  I've never shown her the Puke Puddle, though.  I may have to now.

If there is a stranger attack in the Mortal Kombat games, I am unaware of it.  I don't find pulling out spines or beheading people to be all that strange, but puking on the floor for your opponent to mess their boots up in?  Yeah, that kinda takes the cake.  It's over the top even for this series.

What's next?  Penis bludgeoning?  Breast smothering?  Scabs into eyes?  Maybe those exist, too, and I just haven't found them yet.

It would not surprise me ...