Boring Game Alert

What could possibly be the most boring game ever is due to hit stores far too soon. The Beatles: Rock Band. One of the most overrated bands is about to become one of the most overrated games.

I understand the contribution the Beatles have made to music. We've had countless untalented bands to remind us of that for years. I'm glad certain members of society have decided to take their rage out on some of the group's individuals instead of turning that anger on me (you hear me, Chapman)? So, if only because I have been stabbed or shot I'm grateful for the existence of the band.

But a video game? Did the Mommas and the Poppas refuse to license or something?

I get it that the band would be a huge selling point if sixty-year olds trying to relive drug-addled teen dreams were the main demographic, but it's not. It's people like you and me. Good luck with that! It's the Beatles! Yeah, I want to jam on plastic instruments to "Strawberry Fields Forever" or whatever the hell it is called.

Instead of marketing this as a sleeping aid, it's being pushed as a fun, interactive video game that may appeal to those who find Metallica "too wild." God, I can't wait to get the Thomas Dolby hits package with a free code for some Wings DLC.

Please, God, make this madness stop. Next thing you know we'll be getting licensed game versions of The Terminal or Clerks II just because there's potential money to be made.

Just Rewards

Atari Classics Evolved for the PSP received mixed reviews. I can see why, too. Your enjoyment of it will be directly linked to your enjoyment of the original games. In all, you get 11 Atari games in classic and evolved versions. Each game has four awards that you can win, and if you earn all the awards you open up over 50 classic Atari 2600 games. Therein lies the rub.

These awards are tough as hell to get.

There are no cheat codes that I can find.

Frustrating.

The fact that I'd have over 60 games on one UMD was enough to get me to fork over $20 for the game, and if I never unlock all the 2600 games I'll be okay. The awards system also makes me want to play the thing every day. While on vacation I actually unlocked several (and discovered a new love for Warlords), but there are some achievements I'll wonder if I can ever reach.

I've checked out various forums and reviews of this game. All have expressed anger that Atari hasn't made a cheat code available, or even did it that each award unlocked a game (a far better way to go), but in Atari's defense, this may have actually made the game better. It goes from a mere plaything to an obsession. It challenges you in the way the older games did, something that was lost when the NES came to light.

I now want to be the first person to unlock the games. I'll post the list here when I do ... if I do. If someone has already done this, I haven't found it out there.

I just hope E.T. isn't one of the unlockables.

Is This A Joke?

PS3 users who purchase Batman Arkham Asylum are in for a "treat." They will get to play as the Joker. Interesting.

I'm a Batman fan, and I do like the Joker, though I think few writers ever get him right. Alan Moore did a great job on him, as did Frank Miller. For the most part, though, writers misinterpret the character. It appears this video game is no different.

Joker is, first and foremost, a psychological character. He can't go toe-to-toe with Batman, who dominates him in strength. Joker's only advantage is his insanity. Granted, he has gadgets he has used and will use in the video game, but that's still no real match for Batman. All the best Batman stories dealt with Batman wading through the aftermath of Joker's crazed plans or trying to thwart them. When Batman does resort to fisticuffs with the villain (when done by a good writer) it often ends in the most typical of ways (Joker grabbing a hostage or pulling a gun).

I can understand why the developers wanted to do this. Joker is the Batman enemy. It does seem like a cool idea to play as him, and tossing PS3 owners an exclusive is always good. That said, it should've been a different villain. Killer Croc. Bane. Mr. Freeze. Phosphorous Man. None of those are the big names like Joker, but in a video game that will have plenty of fighting they make more sense.

I don't have a PS3, and this game doesn't make me want to buy one. I will admit it seems interesting, but I doubt that if I had it I would ever play as the Joker. Phosphorous Man, however, now that would be damn cool.

Tap Out

Midnight. Friday night. Can't sleep. For some reason I thought of Tapper. I never really liked that game, but I knew a girl who kicked ass. I used to run video game tournaments and whenever she would enter I would "randomly" pick that game. I figured the prize was an ice cream cone. I could skew the freaking contest.

I watched her just dominate that game. She would get to some alien bar, if I recall right, and kids would be impressed. Here was a girl playing an arcade game. That was as rare as a girl in a comic book store in those days (mid 1980s). I'd kick ass at Centipede, and she'd own Tapper. She disliked my game, and I hated hers. I tried it a couple times, too, but was never good at it. Her ... Zen.

I don't know if this ever came out on any systems, but I can't imagine it would be as fun. The arcade version had beer tap controllers, which really added to the game. Buttons just wouldn't be the same.

Anyway, this is sleepy video game talk. Tapper. Geez.

PSP Go And Gran Turismo

The PSP Go is making it's way around the web, and the talk of Gran Turismo actually coming to the system has once again arisen. For those who remember such things GT was supposed to be there at the launch of the very first PSP. It never showed.

GT games have always been late. The PSP game was non-existent. I don't expect it for the PSP ever, and I won't be buying the new PSP system. I was going to run a photo here, but it's just ugly and the control scheme looks painful at best. No UMD drive, so those without Internet access are screwed.

Sony lost a billion dollars by its own admission. This will help how?

N20 -- The One That Got Away

I played a demo of this PlayStation game once and loved it. It was a crazy-ass shooter that has some kind of cool music and trippy graphics. I only saw it for sale once, though. Used at $20 and I didn't have the cash on me.

I haven't seen the game for sale since, though I haven't been looking for it too much. I always forget about it when I'm scanning eBay. I've regretted not having this game, and I have no fears that it will be one of those I want so badly, get and am disappointed by. It was just ... fun. That's happened in the past. Manhunt, which I bought new, was one of those games. It wasn't horrible, but it was nowhere near as exciting as I thought it would be.

There are some games I love that I know aren't that good, but they hold some kind of magic-like spell over me. Postal. Xevious. Pinball Wizard. Rumble Roses.

I will get this game at some point. I will have it. I will play it. I will enjoy it. I will not sell it back to Gamestop or some shit like that. It, like this limited-edition Coop print, will be mine to be worshipped.

Or it will suck and I'll be bitterly disappointed and pissed at having wanted it for so long.

Make Cancer

I'm obsessed with the ball rolling fun that is the Katamari franchise. I've got the PSP game and both PS2 ones. I look around me and see things that would be fun to roll. I can't believe a game so simple (and so very Japanese) would be so damn therapeutic. Sure, rolling up tacks and candy is fun, but actually getting a schoolboy, a cow and a truck just lets the stress out.

My daughter and I had plans of making a katamari and rolling up stuff from around the neighborhood. She really wanted to get these kids from down the block stuck to it, too, which I thought was pretty cool. We play the games together, and she is just as obsessed as I am.

Some people like FPS to blow off steam (I'd like to that at work, perhaps). Some get into Tetris. Lately I've been thinking of "making" Cancer better. (If you played the first game, you get the reference. It's fairly jarring the first time you see that stage name.)

This obsession will end soon, I'm sure. In the meantime, though, I'm rolling things up and relieving stress. It beats fragging some bad AI morons on some outpost any day.

Raiders of the Lost Ark ... Atari Style

If this screen shot means causes your heart to skip a beat, you've beaten the Atari 2600 Raiders of the Lost Ark game. It was a game ahead of its time. The first game I ever remember utilizing two controllers in a single player game. It was also the first game I remember requiring you to actually think and solve real puzzles to get to the end. Remember when you figured out what time you had to be in certain areas and kept watching that watch? Remember the flies? The mesas? The snakes? The whip?

Granted, by today's standards the game is primitive. Anyone growing up on PlayStation would find it embarrassing, but at the time it was one hell of a game. I spent an entire summer playing that thing, and I don't regret one second of it. It was the game all my friends talked about. I wouldn't say it was the Halo of its time because video games were not at that stage yet. They were still fairly fringe items. It was, however, important to all those who played games.

I haven't played a single Indiana Jones game on a console since playing that one. They just haven't interested me. I think that in time I will probably pick up another one if I can get it cheap, but I doubt it will give me the same thrill. I'm older, harder to impress, and I've seen what can be done with games. But I'll be damned if I don't have some great memories of those days...

Pen Capping Blues

WTF for PSP is one of those odd little games that you get addicted to fairly easily. If you have played it, you know what I mean. If you haven't ... read another post. This won't make a lick of sense to you.

So you've played WTF. You bought a toy soldier or a Queen Mantis toy. What I really want to know is: How many pens have you capped in one sitting?

My record is 562. 562 pens capped and sent on their way. The lady who gave me the game, an act I thought was nice at first and have now become convinced was done to destroy my free time, did well over a thousand. How many have you done? Have you filled the entire bottom of the screen with numbers, and if so, how long did that take? (I can only imagine.)

For those eager to know what this mini game is ... well ... okay. Pens come up on the screen. You put a cap on them. You send them on their way. Some pens are upside down. You turn them around, cap them, and send them away.

Of course there are other games in WTF, but this is one I am fascinated with for some odd reason. Cap. Send. Rotate. Cap. Send. Collect a small paycheck. Buy a toy.

Geez, the things I'm amused by ...

Apple Bites Back

I received a text message on my phone that Apple is looking to take over EA. While I like Apple and I like EA, I can only see this as a bad thing.

First, while I don't think it would take away games from Xbox (a dumb move if ever there were one), I think that would be a real fear for some people. Apple has never been the friendliest to its competition.

Then there is Apple itself. I used to be a huge Apple fan. My enthusiasm has waned over the years, however, as the company as grown even more exclusive (and it was pretty close to a private club to begin with). Yeah, it lets people make apps for the iPhone, but even that hasn't been without controversy.

Overall, however, one has to look at what this move would mean to EA. When it comes to that, I'm not sure. Apple has been doing good financially, but it hasn't always been that way. In fact, if memory serves correctly it's almost gone under in the past. And then there is the question of how well the company really understands video games and how hands off it would be (not very likely). What is the company's intention? What are its plans?

Video games, for as popular as they are, are still largely misunderstood by the mainstream. Apple, while familiar with the role of the outsider, is now mainstream (sorry purists). Microsoft got it right. Will Apple? Hard to say, but I look at Apple more like Toshiba getting into the game. It would ... interesting.

In my grandest inner-scheming I see Apple wanting to get a handhold in the business so that when it develops its home device (something that streams tv, movies, phone, Internet, video games, and keeps track of groceries), it will know more of what it is getting into. That's just speculation, however. I don't know what the idea behind it really is. I'm sure only Steve Jobs knows. (Insert evil laughter here.)

By the time this hits the web, the whole process could be over. I haven't heard, and nor have I sought out info on it. I think there is a slim chance it will happen, but I do think Apple is seriously looking to take over some video game company because it is easier than starting its own.

The next expo should be pretty damn interesting.

Crack Smokers

I finished Stage 5 of the addictive Space Invaders Extreme, thus unlocking the Extreme mode of the invading space marauders.
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Were the developers on crack? They must have been. The laser fire that flies around is akin to Contra, only much more chaotic, if you can imagine that. Oh, and I haven't found any Up, Down, Up Down type of nonsense to help out. Not that I would use cheat codes anyway, as I don't often do that, but every once in a while it is nice.

I played the Extreme levels for a bit before I put it aside to go for N+, my next quest. This game seems to have the same drug-addled developers as it is just as insane. It makes me long for my FIFA games, actually. Run, jump, avoid mines. Ninja blows into a thousand pieces. Who the hell ever thought ninjas wanted gold anyway? Ridiculous.

I'll let you know my thoughts on this one after I play it more. One thing is for certain, however. It has a tough act to follow.

Taito Time

Anyone who reads my other blog (Cancerous Zeitgeist) knows my obsession with Space Invaders Extreme. I play it on the PSP. I am addicted. There are no twelve step programs for this game, though. You just have to play.

I am stuck on Stage 5. It's ridiculous. I feel like a moron, and I'm pretty sure there is some strange glitch with the game so that I can't advance. (It's the old "this controller doesn't work" argument.) I've been told I have to play to at least Stage 10, and believe me, I want to hear that sexy female voice tell me I've arrived. I just don't see it happening anytime soon.

I'm giving it until the end of this month. If I can't beat Stage 5, I'm moving on. I will revisit the game at some other time. Yes, I'm addicted. Yes, it will be hard to put the game away, but I'm not masochist. I know when I'm beat for a time. I need to regroup.

The funny thing is, I used to hate, fucking hate, Space Invaders. It drove me nuts in the arcade, and when we bought the Atari 2600 game in Canada with like 40 variants on the main theme, I played the hell out of it hating it the entire time. Centipede was my thing. Now, however, I play the hell out of Space Invaders Extreme and love every minute of the frustration. The level designs are brilliant. There is some incredibly serious thought that went into this game. And I can't put it down.

The end of April. Then it's onto N+.

Dance, Fatboy, Dance

Okay, I could lose some weight. Problem is, I hate the overwrought homosexual vibe of gyms, I don't enjoy sweating, and I'm a big fan of soda and pizza. Yes, I walk a lot and ride my bike (even skateboard when the mood strikes), but that isn't enough.

Enter Dance Dance Revolution Supernova 2.

Yeah, I can hear the snickering, but it actually works. The game has a workout mode that tracks your weight, calories burned and distance you would have jogged had you not been in your living room screwing around on a dance pad. That alone made it worthwhile to me. The fact that I've been losing weight (coupled with changing my diet and so on), has kept me playing it.

What's the only problem? The music.

I'm a fan of punk, metal, industrial, blues and so on. A-Ha and some wacky Japanese pop stars (not to mention Bobby Brown) doesn't really motivate me the way the game makers probably intended. I know there's a game out there that utilizes your own CDs to make workout routines, but I haven't bought that yet. So, I have this grudge against the music.

The music is probably the worse thing about this game ... if nobody is around. If you are with a crowd, though, the worst thing is actually playing it. Simply put, you'll look foolish. And if there's a ten-year-old girl in the crowd who has played the game twice, well, she will hand you your ass on a plate. It's embarrassing. When my daughter watches me play, she coaches. "Way to go, Dad. You almost got it. It's getting faster. You're screwing up." I'm playing it on beginner and she is four.

Like masturbation, alcoholism and cross-dressing, playing DDR Supernova 2 is something best done alone. It will save you from looking like you are about to have a heart attack in front of your peers, and will also save you from comments like, "Wow, you aren't really that co-ordinated for guy pushing forty."

Enjoy, but consider yourself warned.